Pun Intended

1)Where would you find the speediest courts in the world?

Answer-Australia...Kangaroo courts


2)Heard about the sailor who couldn't score with the babes? Well, it was obvious since he was all at sea when it came to dealing with the fairer sex!


3)Heard about this guy who's very fat ? The thought of dying of obesity has been weighing heavily on his mind!


4)This weather-man got dumped by his g.f . No wonder he's been feeling a bit under the weather!


5)Heard about the train motorman who lost his mental balance? Everybody called him plumb 'loco'.


6)Heard about the cop who resigned from the force? He couldn't cop the flak for his poor work.


7)This guy likes to eat sweets hell of a lot, y'know. He loves sweets so much he ignored his lady. No wonder she desserted him!


8)What does one experience after relieving oneself ?

Answer:- "Piss" of mind!


9) I always get fined everytime I walk. Why?

Answer : Jay walking!


10)This dog's having a shitting problem ,y'know?
It's so bad he's got to visit the dog-turd.

Dog-turd --> Doctor ...geddit?


11)Well ,there's a dude called Joe King. Happens that whenever he tells his name to others, they think he's joking.


12)This duck was pissed off with the veterinarian. Well, it turned out that the vet was a quack.


13)Why do nudists have such good health?

Answer - 'cos they eat their food in the raw!


14)Why did the oil tycoon find it difficult to hit a home run with the babes?

Answer - 'cos they found him too 'crude'.


15)Rowan Atkinson(Mr Bean) acted in the movie 'Johnny English'. Critics found his acting awful 'n' panned his performance. Maybe they should have called him a 'has-bean' .


16)When do buggers like me torture people with puns?

Answer: - When I am in a 'pun'ishing mood.


17)Me 'n' Pamela Anderson have become very close pals. In fact she's now my 'bosom' buddy.


18)Why did the dermatologist's girlfriend dump him?

Answer - 'cos he kept getting under her skin.


19)Why did the horse jockey's g.f dump him?

Answer - 'cos he cudn't stop horsing around.


20)This garbage collector's g.f walked out on him. Or rather ,she dumped him.

21)Heard about the failed archaelogist? His career lies in ruins.


22)Heard about the boxer who won the championships? well,he's pleased as punch .


23)If you place bets on a pun competition, you will be a 'pun'ter.


24)This gardener settled abroad but didn't forget his culture & homeland. Y'see ,he liked to remember his roots.