Pun Intended - 11

1) This singer lost his car-keys before a performance.So worried did he get about it,that his singing was off-key.

2) This flock of sheep were about to be sheared for their wool. One of the sheep said ,“We feel so woolnerable. It's shear injustice.”

3) The CEO of Gillete narrowly escaped death in an accident. A case of a close shave,eh?

4) This cook who's an expert in fried dishes has changed jobs & joined the fire-fighting forces. A case of “out of the frying pan ,into the fire”,eh?

5) This cook took part in a competition for the best fried food. When asked how he felt about his chances,he replied ,“Well,things should pan out for the better.”

6) I have made a documentary about orgasms. It's coming soon on TV.

7) I was handed the prestigious responsibility of making a blue film. But the movie turned out to be very shoddy. Guess I blue it.

8) This babe was fed up of her boyfriend,a southpaw. He was obsessed with getting all left-handed things,like left-handed knobs,left-handed screw-drivers,left-handed taps,so on. When his obsession crossed all barriers of tolerance,she left him.

9) This farmer had a bumper crop of maize. He termed the output amaizeing.

10) This guy who works for Intel also works as a bus-conductor on weekends. You could say he's a semi-conductor.

11) There are 2 types of men in the world. Those who can give a cunnilingus & those who cun't.

12) This knight had very bad dreams every now & then. Guess he was disturbed by his knightmares.

13) There are too many noisy bats in my area. They're driving me batty.

14) Heard about this light-hearted 'omo? You could say he was gay all the time.

15) This jockey had a very bad outing in the race. You could say it was a neightmare for him.

16) Heard about this artist who painted only in black & white? Well ,his g.f has dumped him recently. No wonder that he's been feeling off-colour of late.

17) Heard about this bomb-defusing expert who charged exorbitantly for his services? You could say he charged a bomb.

18) This fence-maker was famed for criticising & taunting all the time. Know why his g.f dumped him?
Answer: 'cos she couldn't take anymore of his barbs.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, this joke isn't a pun,but here we go anyway :
What's the difference between a curvaceous ,hour-glass shaped woman & a fat ,dumpy lady?
Answer: The former takes birth-control pills while the latter takes girth-control pills.