Sunday, November 16, 2008

Pun Intended - 41

1) Know why straight men are vegetarians?

Answer: 'cos they don't eat meat.

2) Heard about the ex-con who's now making a clean living as a grave-digger? Well, talk about burying the past.

3) Heard about this rich socialite who lost her status as the world's #1 shopaholic? You could say she's a spent force.

4) Heard about this guy who suffers from priapism and isn't a stickler for punctuality? Well, he always stands up his dates.

5) Know why this sharpshooter took some valium pills?

Answer: His nerves were shot.

6) Heard about this attention-seeker who stapled his lips & nostrils? Well, it did pay off. Y'see, everybody's attention was pinned to him.

7) So there's this fellatio competition. And just like it happens in a tennis Grand Slam, the top-seeded(!) ho faces off with the rank underdog ho in the final. The reporters buzz around the underdog & ask her about her chances against the heavily favoured topseed. Her reply, "I won't go down without a fight."

8) Heard about this guy who manages to ruin every business he gets involved with? No wonder he's called the "Jack off all trades."

9) Heard about this annoying acupuncturist? He's a prick indeed!

10) Heard about this irritating handyman? He's a tool indeed!

11) Heard about this guy who suffers from severe irritable bowel syndrom (IBS) ? No wonder the poor bastard feels pooped all day.

12) Y'know, I am impatiently waiting to fulfil this strange fetish of mine. The fetish being a hot babe licking my baby-batter off my chest. The day it happens, it'll certainly be a load off my chest.

13) Jack the ripper likes only sharp knives and cleavers. Yeah, if they're blunt, he gets pretty cut up.

14) Here's some friendly advice from a vegetarian - "Steer clear of beef."

15) Know why this bald man is so unflappable?

Answer : Nobody can get in his hair.