Pun Intended - 9

1) Do you know that Dracula is very bad at math? Well, he can't Count.


2) What's the difference between a straight man & a gay man?

Answer : A straight man plays Call Of Duty while a gay man plays Doll Of Cutie.



3) This blood bank was struggling with financial losses. At the end of the financial year, the CEO of the blood bank remarked ,"I'm afraid we're in the red."



4)We know that call-centres place immense strain on the employees what with money being docked for wrong pronounciations,bad grammar,toilet breaks & what not. Perhaps they should be called cull-centres.



5) This banana walks into an ice-cream parlour & asks the vendor to tell him a few jokes. On hearing the jokes,the banana ends up being in splits.



6) Michelle Wie finally managed to have a par on all the 18 holes. Her caddie remarked ,"Good parformance ,Miss."


7) This guy was hired by a restaurant to peel potatoes,onions etc. He bungled up the job very badly. They threatened to fire him. He appeeled them to give him more time to pick up.



8) This conservative man had an issue with his daughter wearing very tiny skirts. Whenever he raised this topic, his daughter would use all her skills to skirt the issue.



9) This guy wanted to learn how to drift a car. After many lessons,he managed to get the drift of drifting.


10) This couple ,both computer engineers,can't get going in bed. Guess why?
Answer: 'cos the man's hardware & the woman's software are incompatible.


11) This guy ,a stock-broker ,would often work late into the nights. Whenever his wife called him up to enquire about his whereabouts,"I'm working" would be his stock reply.



12) This jazz-player lost a jazz competition. He cried foul & said that injazztice had been done to him.


13) So what if you're childless? Don't make an issue of it.


14) This transvestite parade was incredibly long drawn out & boring. You could say it was a drag.


15) When Achilles was a child,he was a bundle of mischief. His worried parents asked the school principal to do something about it. The principal replied ,Don't worry,I'll bring him to heel.


16) This company is into making sanitaryware i.e toilets/crappers, is going great guns. You could say they're flush with funds.


17) This guy got the job of a hangman. However ,since he was a newbie ,the outgoing hangman taught him the ropes of hanging. After a few rigorous sessions,the newbie got the hang of it.


18) This girl,saved in the nick of time from being raped,was traumatised. She asked her pal whether she knew of any website that offered online counselling/therapy. The pal replied ,"www.therapist.com".


19) Orgasms are near-death experiences. Don't people scream ,“Oh my god,I'm coming” when having the big O?


20) The fares of buses,trains,taxis were increased. People took to the streets saying the hike in fares was unfare.


21) This doctor is in the business of spaying humans. His operation theatre has a digital display above the door. When a spaying operation is going on ,the display shows The doctor is spaying the patient. When the operation concludes, the display shows The patient is paying the doctor.


22) During WW2, the leader of the British forces was telling his soldiers ,“Use your brain to defeat the enemy. Your brain is a powerful weapon.” A soldier asked the leader, “But Sir,what do I do when I'm encircled by a dozen enemy soldiers?” The leader replied "Use your Bren."


23) This married man started a fling with another woman. Turned out that the mistress was a nymphomaniac. After some days of this affair the man called off the fling. When asked why,he replied he couldn't keep up with her in the bed.