Monday, May 24, 2010

Pun Intended - 44

1) Heard about the pest exterminator who also indulges in unsafe sex? He's a bugchaser, indeed.

2) When a bitch is in heat, she's ready to hitch in a beat.

3) In the technology battle, aliens run crop circles around humans.

4) Heard about the method actor who just landed the role of a dermatologist? He's trying hard to get into the skin of his character.

5) Heard about this dermatologist who ventured into films? Now all he does is skin flicks.

6) Q: Why can't Muslims inculcate a habit of saving money?
    A: 'cos it's unholy to have piggy banks.

7) Atheist? Jesus will be cross with you.

8) Q: How does a dyslexic guy react to misfortune?
    A: "This happens."

9) Q: What does a porn star do for good luck?
      A: Grab a hard-on & say "Touch wood!"

10) Lingerie thief gives police the slip.

11) Q: How do you tell a woman she's a bitch, without using the word 'bitch'?
     A: Throw a stick and say 'Fetch'.

12) Redefinition:
One-trick pony = A pony that indulges in prostitution only once in its lifetime.

13) To all the self-gratification addicts out there: Replace hand-jobs with foot-jobs. It's time you tried something offbeat.

14) Jack the Ripper to an upset, unwilling victim : "Oh, come on, don't be so cut up."

15) So, if a transsexual opens a car repair/servicing centre, what exactly is (s)he to interpret when a customer says, "I want a new tranny." ?

16) So, this craftsman who's bad in bed, says it's always the fault of the hos. Guess it isn't true that a bad craftsman always blames his tool.

17) So this Frenchman goes into this restaurant & places his order. Immediately, the chef chops off the Frenchman's legs, cooks 'em & serves 'em. Y'see, the poor bastard ordered Frog Legs.

18) Q: If a thief sneaks into a house & steals the resident babe's virginity, what should he be charged with?
A: Breaking and entering.

19) Do fat people go skinny dipping?

20) Guess what I saw on a colleague's PC? 'McAfee removed a Trojan'. Strange that an anti-virus thingamajig chooses to remove a condom.

21) Between anorexic women & Rubenesque women, we straight men would plump for the latter any day.

22) Breaking news: Prude govt. puts a gag on S & M.

Supporters of S & M whip up frenzy across the country.

In retaliation, the govt. takes a hell-for-leather approach and cracks the whip on the supporters of S & M.

23) Q: Why is a tomato always happy to let go of opportunities? A: 'cos it means missing the gravy train.