1) Heard about this grammarian who met with an accident?
Poor bastard's been in a comma ever since!
2) This lingerie company, which has found itself in dire straits, is downsizing. Yeah, many employees are being handed pink slips.
3) Sign outside a tony and obscenely expensive gym in London - "We make sure you lose pounds, this way or that way."
4) Heard about this legless guy who's famed for his calmness?
Well, it isn't a surprise given that nobody can tread on his toes.
5) Heard about this 'omo who's on his deathbed, thanks to heavy-duty smoking?
Talk about being at the fag end of life.
6) Heard about this guy who can resist the seductions of all women except the Chinese ones?
Guess he too has chinks in his armour.
7) Stealing fruits from a guarded tree requires you to be real plucky.
8) After years of denying having got silicon implants, this starlet has finally decided to make a clean breast of it.
9) Heard about this puppeteer who is never serious about any babe he beds?
Well, he likes to have relationships with no strings attached.
10) Heard about this hot-tempered stripper?
Well, she's very famous for easily losing her shirt.
11) Heard about this angler who thought he could strike it rich with cyber-crime ? Somebody told the poor sod that all it takes to be a cyber criminal is expertise in phishing.
12) This guy, depressed about his willie's small size, is pouring his heart out to his friends. Unbeknownst to him & his cronies, his old man walks over to the group and asks what they're discussing. Startled, the guy blurts out, "Oh, nothing, dad. Just having small talk."
13) Heard about this famous artist who looks like a Greek god?
No wonder he draws so many women!
14) Saw this documetary about dissecting cadavers?
It's truly visceral.
15) Here's a good copy for a condom ad: "I'm a stickler for punctuality... but on special occasions, I like to come late."
16) Following his arrest for getting a fellatio from a ho, this movie star is worried about his image. His manager assures him, "Oh don't worry. Public memory is short. In a month or so, this controversy will blow over."
17) Here's what I'll write to a babe when I am desperate to bed her:
"F _ ck. I can't complete this word without you."
18) I had got the shares of Frito Lay's dirt cheap way back then. Now that their value has appreciated a zillion percent, it's time for me to cash in on my chips.
19) Know why this Muay Thai champion snorts cocaine before his fights?
It gives him a kick.
20) Heard about this guy called John, who can delay his ejaculation as long as he wants to?
Everyone calls him "Johnny-come-lately".