Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Pun Intended - 32

1) Ray Kroc, the founder of McDonald's exhorts his employees to improve the speed of cooking & serving. Sure enough, his inspirational speech has a dramatic improvement in the fast food chain as regards the speed of serving the customers. Now,Ray is thinking of renaming his fast food chain as MachDonald's.

2) I've this bad habit of waking up very late in the morning. I really want to start getting up at sunrise. I think it's going to be a dawnting task.

3) This unlucky bastard from Sweden was attacked by cannibals while going through a jungle in the Amazon. The cannibals killed & ate him. The cannibals were surprised to find that he tasted Swede.

4) Heard about this weaver who likes to tell stories? Yeah, he really likes to spin a yarn.

5) This guy took up to being a cotton grower. However ,as he had no experience , his initial attempts gave a poor yield . But after a few months of trial & error ,he finally cotton.

6) Heard about this hunky illustrator? Well, he draws women to him like a flame attracts moths.

7) This horse-breeder has a large stud farm. One day, there's a fire in the horse barn & all the horses perish. The breeder goes off the rails. After many months of psychiatric treatment,he becomes stable.

8) This film star complains to the police that an obsessive fan's been stalking her for many days. The police find that the fan keeps on changing his address. So the police fan out to hunt the fan.

9) This dog is a famous film star. However,he's fed up of giving interviews left ,right & centre. One day, an overzealous television reporter wakes him up when he's asleep. The doggy film star loses his temper & gives her sound bites.

10) There's this crying contest held to find out who can cry the best. After the conclusion of the contest,the winner is asked how it feels. The happy winner says,"All's wail that ends wail."

11) This rapper is famous for his expletive laden & violence glorifying lyrics. His songs influence the youth to take to crime. So the police arrest him & produce him in court on charges of inciting disorder. The judge says to the rapper in a harsh tone,"Your vile lyrics & songs have had a negative influence on the youth." The chastened rapper says,"Yes ,your honor,I take the rap for this."

12) This tranquil place,a home to many birds , began to lose its charm when a factory came up. Some months down the line, the place had many factories belching smoke & pollutants from their chimneys. Fed up of the noise & pollution, all the birds flue away.

13) This farmer falls on hard times & is unable to feed his cattle properly. The cows get into a nostalgic mode & say ,"Ah! How we miss those old days of getting to eat good quality hay! Sigh,those were the haydays."

14) This small county is terrorised by this film star who has a habit of drinking & driving very recklessly. One day, she goes over the top in DUI & nearly ends up killing a few pedestrians. The sheriff arrests her & takes her to the court. The judge says to the sozzled film star,"I'll let you out on bailiff you promise to sober up."

15) I visited a sugar factory recently. I saw that the molasses really treacles very slowly.

16) The farmers are being harassed by swarms of locusts who damage all the crops. Hence the government decides to employ pest extermination services to deal with the problem. However ,fanatical animal rights activists go to court against this decision. The court throws out the animal rights activists' petition saying that they had no locust standi.

17) This weird guy ,who had a fickle mind, veered very often.

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