1) I went to a car showroom to buy a car. I found a car that I liked but I was puzzled to find a poisonous snake on the windshield. I asked the salesman about it. He replied ,"Oh ,that's the windshield viper."
2) When the wives & girlfriends of footballers are without an iota of humor in them,why the hell are they called WAGS?
3) This athlete injures his knee very badly in an accident. The physiotherapist says he kneeds a surgery.
4) This Oriental guy returns home after a few years in the west. His people are surprised to see him being so wasteful. They say it's the wastern influence.
5) Director Ang Lee is livid that the shooting is behind schedule. An assistant sees him & asks him ,"Are you annoyed,sir?" Ang Lee replies ,"Yeah,I'm Ang Lee".
For those who didn't get the joke : I read somewhere that Oriental men have a tendency to replace "R" with "L" while speaking.
6) I find washing dishes to be too tiring. I sure could use a slave to help me with this. Yeah,I want a vessel.
For those who didn't get it : vessel --> vassal.
7) The CEO of Ray Ban is a very defiant man. He always glares at others.
8) I found this little kid fooling around with a tyre of a car. I asked him whether he was trying to puncture the tyre. The kid issued a flat denial.
9) The garbage collectors group,all of whom are racing enthusiasts, has come out with a plan of holding dreg races.
10) This pro-vegetarian group is pretty pissed off with non-vegetarians. Some fanatics of this group suggest that they carry out violent attacks on non-vegetarians. However,the leader of the group says,"Violence is the last option. It's better to issue vealed threats."
11) Cold places aren't the best places to have sex. Y'know why?
Answer : 'cos you are likely to become frigid.
12) This lawyer, a specialist in handling divorce cases,is fed up of having handled only divorce cases for the past so many years. He says he wants a change & he is looking forward to handling other types of cases too. Yeah,he wants to divorcefy.
13) There's this competition for companies. It involves going bankrupt in the shortest time. I hear all the participants will go for broke.
14) Dell,the maker of PCs, is truly in deep shit. Its earnings have nosedived, it's struggling to keep down costs & it's also struggling to keep the shareholders happy. I guess it's a matter of time before the company is Delleted from the earth.
15) This dude has the habit of constantly complaining using the words "I don't like it." One fine day ,he decides to replace "I don't like it." with "This is not to my liking." Y'know what case is this ?
Answer: A case of old whine in new bottle.
16) One night,on my way home,I was accosted by a prostitute who offered her services. I was perplexed by this unknown woman & asked her ,"Who're you?"
17) This writer came out with a controversial book that pitted one particular religion against another religion. Sure enough,riots followed the publication of the book. It soon degenerated into a civil war & ultimately,the collapse of the nation. The writer sure wrote destruction,huh?
For those who didn't get it : wrote --> wrought
18) This fitness coach at the gym is a hard taskmaster. If you don't perform exercises for legs,he doesn't allow you to go squat free.
19) Valentino Rossi,the MotoGP racer, is asked about his future. He replies,"The future is Rossi."
20) If you do drugs , you'll end up as the dregs of society.
21) This woman,well known for her recklessness , was driving her car rashly when she met with an accident. She lost her breasts in that accident. Since then,she's been known as rackless.
22) This guy is taken to the cleaners by his wife when they divorce. He's deprived of almost all his wealth. He gets sad & is unable to snap out of depression for many months. His pal,not able to bear his sorry plight ,says to him , "Look,buddy,it's dime to move on."