Friday, July 6, 2007

Pun Intended - 26

1) This lady buys an expensive dress. However after 2 days,she finds that the seam is coming apart. She shows the dress to her friend & asks her whether the stitching is of poor quality. Her friend replies ,"It seams so."

2) This golfer is also a talented actor ,y'know ? Yeah,he's quite good at putting on an act.

3) This calculus professor has no children. You could say he has no derivatives.

4) This babe caught her glue-maker boyfriend in bed with another woman.Enraged,she shot him dead. Guess cheating sealed his fate.

5) This guy fell into a huge vat of glue. He met with a sticky end.

6) Kimi Raikkonnen ,the Ferrari racer, wins the 2007 World Drivers' Championship. Then everybody asks McLaren,"How could you be so K R less to let go of him?"

7) This punk loses in the International Shagging Contest. He's very upset & unhappy. His pals try to console him with "Cheer up,mate. It's not the end of the world. Try your hand at something else."

8) Cadbury Schweppes made a foray into the carbonated drinks category in India. They failed miserably. You could say that the competition 'Crush'ed Cadbury Schweppes.

9) Heard about this eccentric calculus professor? Well,he's got problems integrating into the society.

10) This guy is pissed off with poorly written books on general knowledge.So he gathers a heap of such books & sets them on fire. The police ask him what the hell he is doing. He replies,"I am culling information."

11) Rene Lacoste was never popular with people & never had any real friends. When he died , a large number of people shed Crocodile tears.

12) I can't figure out why I'm bad at maths.

13) Babes always do well in maths. Yeah,they are quite good with figures.

14) This rat & a donkey have a big showdown & they go to a court. The judge throws out their case with the words,"I don't give a rat's ass about this trivial matter."

15) This award-winning writer feels like having sex with his favourite whore. So he calls up the pimp & says ,"Booker."

16) The Tour de France was down to its last stage. These 2 cyclists were tied for the first place. The 2 were going neck & neck in the last stage & it wasn't clear who'd win.A few miles before the finish line one of the cyclists , a cunning guy, started talking non-stop to his rival. This disturbed the rival & he lost. "Spoke" in the wheel,huh?

17) Fat people are very stupid. Yeah,they're thick.

18) You oat to eat breakfast everyday.

19) Quaker & Kellogs are thinking of getting into the entertainment industry. They want to make cereals.

20) This fat man goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor says ,"I'm afraid you've got a slim chance of living a long life."

21) PETA wants to put an end to killing cows for beef. So they are going to start a mooment.

22) The marriage of this couple ,both geologists, has hit a rocky patch.

23) This biased man loses his buttocks in an accident. Now everybody calls him bye-assed.

24) What did the male sheep say to the female sheep?

Answer : I love ewe.

25) What do you do when you're pissed off with a philatelist?

Answer : You stamp him.

26) This software engineer, a cheap & trashy guy, got dumped by his g.f. Why?

Answer : 'cos she found him techie.

27) Which football ground has the refrees handing out the maximum number of red cards?

Answer : Stampford Bridge.

28) Bees are very wealthy ,y'know? Well,it shouldn't be a surprise given that they are stingy.

29) If you walk in a very weird way ,it gaits to people.

30) Exxon Mobil has come out with a stunning new advertisment. It's very slickly made.

31) This punk has no respect for social manners. He often shoots off his mouth & embarrasses others. His mother is at the end of her tether & asks him,"Have you ever thought how your words cause embarrassment to others?" He replies ,"No,it never awkward to me."

32) There is a dramatic decrease in the number of wildcats in the forest. The police arrest this guy who stays on the outskirts of the forest & charge him with hunting wildcats for their fur. However the court lets him off as the police fails to establish the lynx between the guy & the disappearance of the wildcats.

33) The farmers , the fruit growers & the granary owners complain to the government that much of their output is being damaged by beetles. The government says ,"Don't worry. Weevil solve your problems."

34) This gay man, a wannabe socialite, is really fond of being seen among the swish set.

35) This low-budget film "Insomnia" was released with no hype. It picked up publicity by word of mouth & became a sleeper hit.

(By the way,Insomnia is a really good movie. Christopher Nolan is a genius. I've yet to see the movie. The reviews are outstanding.)

36)This cricket-mad gigolo is a very good batsman. He effortlessly sends the bouncers soaring to the boundary. Know why?

Answer : 'cos he's a hooker.

37)A cricket match is going to be played between the Frankenstein XI & the Werewolf XI. Dracula is going to be the vampire.

38)I've the hots for this babe,a veterinarian. She's a vet dream come true.

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