Thursday, September 27, 2007

Pun Intended - 35

1) The Prime Minister of Holland , a none-too-bright guy is alarmed by the repeated floods. So he orders that all lesbians be killed & their dead bodies be used to keep the waters at bay. You see, somebody told him dykes are useful to prevent flooding.

2) This guy has a nasty fall while riding his bike & ends up breaking the bone from the shoulder to the elbow. He makes for a funny sight in his cast. When his pals make fun of him, he says the jokes aren't humerus.

3) This guy lost his beloved moped. So devastated was he by this that he moped for many months.

4) This car company found itself under the scanner when its cars were reported to be unsafe while braking. Refusing to take the blame, the company blamed the supplier of brakes. The brake-making company, in turn said that the car's poor designs were to blame for the brakes failing. After some days of acrimony, the two dragged each other to court. Sad that their partnership had to brake up.

5) Heard about this hotshot baseball pitcher who is a devotee of Bacchus? Well, he's fond of benders.

6) This veteran software programmer who was unwilling to learn newer ways of programming, stuck to procedural programming. When a mega project had to be executed, he found that he couldn't do anything his way. So the company hired a kid who successfully executed the project using OOP (Object Oriented Programming). Impressed with the kid, the company fired the veteran. The kid surely gave the veteran programmer an object lesson, huh?

7) Q: How do you convince a fat friend to reduce the flab?

Answer : You lean on him/her.

8) This butler plays tennis very well, y'know? Well, it shouldn't be a surprise given that he's known for serving well.

9) I am hoping to get picked by a big advertising agency. If my dreams don't come true, I'll be piqued.

10) This guy has a terrible accident, & his family jewels & dick get detached from his body. Scared shitless, he collects them & goes to the hospital. After examining him, the surgeons say that they can successfully re-attach his organs & that his sexual prowess would not be affected. The guys replies, "Wow! I'm thrilled to bits!"

11) This new dentist initially found it very tough to have a clinic up & going.Can be said that the poor fellow faced a lot of teething problems.

12) The cops managed to nab this fugitive who had a heart problem. When they put the handcuffs on him, he died of the shock. Cardiac arrest, eh?

13) This newly launched vibrator has failed to make a mark in the sex toy market. Yeah, people say it's no great shakes.

14) Heard about this rude magician who disses everybody by making obscene gestures? Well, he's known for his slight-of-hand skills.


This section has nothing to do with puns, but what the hell!

1) I'm ambidextrous, y'know? Yep, I can dig my nose with either hand.

2) Always use a condom. Prevention is better than abortion.

3) Circular definitions:

Vest - A man's bra.
Bra - A woman's vest.

Snot - Nasal semen.
Semen - Penile snot.

4) What we eat is passed out as turd the next day. Which means we all eat shit.

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