1) Know why straight men are vegetarians?
Answer: 'cos they don't eat meat.
2) Heard about the ex-con who's now making a clean living as a grave-digger? Well, talk about burying the past.
3) Heard about this rich socialite who lost her status as the world's #1 shopaholic? You could say she's a spent force.
4) Heard about this guy who suffers from priapism and isn't a stickler for punctuality? Well, he always stands up his dates.
5) Know why this sharpshooter took some valium pills?
Answer: His nerves were shot.
6) Heard about this attention-seeker who stapled his lips & nostrils? Well, it did pay off. Y'see, everybody's attention was pinned to him.
7) So there's this fellatio competition. And just like it happens in a tennis Grand Slam, the top-seeded(!) ho faces off with the rank underdog ho in the final. The reporters buzz around the underdog & ask her about her chances against the heavily favoured topseed. Her reply, "I won't go down without a fight."
8) Heard about this guy who manages to ruin every business he gets involved with? No wonder he's called the "Jack off all trades."
9) Heard about this annoying acupuncturist? He's a prick indeed!
10) Heard about this irritating handyman? He's a tool indeed!
11) Heard about this guy who suffers from severe irritable bowel syndrom (IBS) ? No wonder the poor bastard feels pooped all day.
12) Y'know, I am impatiently waiting to fulfil this strange fetish of mine. The fetish being a hot babe licking my baby-batter off my chest. The day it happens, it'll certainly be a load off my chest.
13) Jack the ripper likes only sharp knives and cleavers. Yeah, if they're blunt, he gets pretty cut up.
14) Here's some friendly advice from a vegetarian - "Steer clear of beef."
15) Know why this bald man is so unflappable?
Answer : Nobody can get in his hair.