Pun Intended - 24

1) This jockey is excited after winning the derby. He screams so much in excitement that his throat becomes horse.



2) This conservative man (may their tribe decrease) was pissed off to see his hot daughter dressed skimpily. What did he do?

Answer : He gave her a dressing down.



3) This painter loves to play defensive chess,y'know? He draws all his games.



4) This old man runs the biggest poultry business in the country. One day, his son usurps the business from him & throws him out. A case of coop d'etat , huh?



5) This vulture is eating a dead animal's flesh. A fellow vulture asks him ,"Whatcha doin'?" The first vulture replies ,"Eating. I'm busy ,don't disturb me" The second vulture says,"Oh,ok,carrion."



6) This guy is excited by the idea of swapping partners for a night of fun. So he asks his wife whether she's willing to go along with him. She replies ,"My mind is swinging between yes & no."



7) This man goes to a dentist. The dentists says his teeth are in such bad shape they gotta be knocked out. The man becomes distraught. The dentist says ,"You have to face the bitter tooth."



8) This guy who's in the business of tyres eats ,drinks & breathes tyres. His wife ditches him. Why?

Answer : She's tyred of his obsession.



9) This channel showed some programmes that were anti-Blacks. Following widespread protests,the channel was blacked out.



10) This guy has a strange desire for having sex with a witch. So he goes to a pimp who specializes in these things. Upon reaching ,the pimp parades half a dozen witches & asks ,"Witch one do you want to bed?"



11) This celebrity is fed up of the wild allegations against him. So when a reporter levels yet another allegation at him during an interview ,the celeb moons the reporter. Nice re'butt'al , eh?



12) A puma likes to talk very softly & lovingly. I guess that's why a puma is also called a coogar.



13) This chef is very eccentric & crazy, y'know? Yeah, he's a kook.



14) Wiley Publishing is coming out with a book on ventriloquism. It's targeted at beginners. The book is going to be called "Ventriloquism for dummies"



15) Researchers have said that African men have the largest penises. They also say that Caucasians come second & Asians the last. I say that this is a phallacy.



16) This punk is accused of copying in an exam. After a thorough inquiry , he is given a clean chit.



17) Heard about this once shapely babe who has now become fat & dumpy? Talk about going to waist.



18) Why do females go to beaches?

Answer : They love to indulge in beaching.



19) I am thinking of being a bird-seller. Yeah, I think I'll hawk hawks.



20) This monster is busy wolfing down goblins. A fellow monster passing through sees him & says ,"You sure are goblin' your food , huh?"



21) Heard about this suspicious baker? He is always doughtful of everyone.



22) Heard about Odin, the rain god & the also the king of gods? He rained supreme.



23) Heard about this brave baker? He's very doughty.



24) This brick-maker is very upset with his wife since she's cheating on him. Y'know what he wants to do?

Answer : He wants to kiln her.



25) This brick-maker is fond of his pals & relatives ,y'know? He likes to be with his kith & kiln all the time.



26) This guy hires a hitman to finish off his cheating wife. He tells the hitman ,"As soon as you see her in a lonely spot ,killer."



27) This black man threatens to release lurid & compromising photos of this actress unless she pays him a million dollars. A classic case of blackmale, eh?



28) These 2 countries are constantly warring with each other. One day ,they decide to have a dance competition instead of a war. Sure enough, the dance contest proves a smash hit & brings the people of the 2 countries together. Nothing like dancing to break down the waltz,eh?



29) I wand to be a magician.



30) This black monster with 3 heads goes to a dermatologist & says ,"I have got blackheads."



31) Heard about this group of people that loves trees? They always say ,"Willow trees."



32) This company that makes trays has reported that its profits have traybled.



33) This manufacturer of computer screens finds that their goods are being stolen from the storehouse. So they decide to monitor all storehouse activities.



34) This suitcase-maker has bagged a multi-million dollar contract.


35) This lady is unhappy with her butt because of the cellulite. She goes to a gym & asks what should be done. The trainer says," You've to exercise a lot. That is the bottom line."



36) This dullard is very depressed. So he goes about smashing all the booze bottles he can see.Why?

Answer : He wanted to hit the bottle to forget his depression.



37) This guy drowns in the sea. His pals decide to drown their sorrows in booze.



38) This guy says,"Look ,I've built a well all by myself." The people reply ,"Well done."



39) Caterpillar Inc has come out with new radical earthmovers & excavators. Those machines are truly groundbreaking.


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Now for a joke that lies in a twilight zone between a normal joke & a punny joke. Here it goes :

What does Superman say when he's about to have sex?

Answer : Up, up & away!!