Word Play

Pun Intended - 45

2010-07-29T04:52:00.000-07:00

1) Q: What does a whore say during Halloween?

     A: "Trick or teat?"

2) Heard about this guy who went insane from being sodomized? "Driven round the bend", indeed.

3) Heard about the method actor who just landed the role of a dermatologist? He's trying hard to get into the skin of his character.

4) Heard about this dermatologist who ventured into films? Now all he does is skin flicks.

5) Q: So what does a sex-crazed plumber say every time he sees a hot babe?

   A: "I wanna tap that!"

6) Q: What do you say to a zombie who's obsessed with trivial matters?

   A: "Get a life."

7) If you get an STD & become unwell/depressed, does it mean you're "laid low"?

8) Q: What's the worst way to greet a man with priapism?

    A: "What's up?"

9) Have poor knowledge of recreational drugs? Don't worry, I'll bring you up to speed.

10) Heard about the necrophiliac hitman? First he whacks you, then he whacks off.

11) Repairs on the leaning tower of Pisa are going on at full tilt.

12) So, at this wanking contest, I'm the top seed & I'm pretty sure I'll win it hands down.

13) Q: How do you describe the mood of a well-endowed basketball player?

     A: Cock-a-hoop.

14) Heard about the basic, no-frills condom with no sense of humour? Well, it doesn't like to be ribbed.

15) Why did Minnie Mouse feel humiliated while giving birth? 'cos the doc & nurses were taking the mickey out of her.

16) if you're a police informant a sex maniac to boot, & you've to tell the police about a ho's crimes, the newspaper headline would read "Sex crazy informant fingers prostitute"

17) I hope no one gets wind of my farting problem.

18) Q: If you’re fondling your babe’s jugs, and your boss phones you, what should be your response?

     A: “Sorry boss, I’ve got my hands full.”

19) What exactly does an party-loving, club-hopping, axe-wielding, machine-gun-toting psychopath mean when he says "I'm going to paint the town red." ?

20) Q: Why isn't Ali Baba ever denied sex by his wife?

     A: 'cos all he has to do is get in front of her closed legs & say 'Open Sesame'.

21) Is 'Speed TV' a channel dedicated to meth?

22) In my previous job as a copywriter, my boss was unhappy with my work. Trying to defend myself, I said, "But I took my best stab at writing the copy." The boss replied, "Oh, I trust you did. In fact so well, that you murdered the copy."

23) Heard about the hardcore flirt who ejaculates over a long distance? Yeah, he comes on too strongly.

24) So this struggling porn actress has finally landed a meaty role.

25) A spanking new S & M shop has opened in my area.

26) Masochist = Someone who beats off to getting beaten up.

27) Men, who says you've to shell out a bomb to gift your girlfriend bling-bling? At absolutely no cost to you, she can play with your family jewels and get a dazzling pearl necklace.

28) So this prostitute steals 5000 fake penises from a sex toy factory. Headlines next day: "Ho pinches 5000 one-eyed snakes in one day."

29) Every one of my jobs was emotionally taxing. Y'see, every one of 'em bored me to tears.

30) This upset guy with a split personality is beside himself.

31) If recreational drugs are outlawed, can one be arrested for taking Viagra?

32) Q: When does a cannibal eat human brains?
      A: When it's time to have some food for thought.

33) If a Mexican guy has newly joined the labour force, is it racist to call him 'wet behind the ears'?

34) Y'know, a traffic jam is often sexual in nature. For men, at least. Y'see, it involves a heavy usage of the start-stop technique.

35) This guy, who was born in grinding poverty and yet went on to become a wealthy pimp, is coming out with his autobiography. It's titled "From Rags to Bitches".

36) When it came to inaction & letting Rome go to hell, Nero certainly didn't play second fiddle.

37) You can't be sure what exactly a sex-crazed cannibal means when he says "I'm gonna eat my girlfriend!"

38) Heard about this rich prostitute who provides capital to companies, without taking up an active role? Yeah, she likes to be a sleeping partner.

39) The Black Widow devours her male partner with consummate ease.

40) Heard about this dominatrix who services both coarse, uncouth men as well as posh, refined gentlemen? Yeah, she straddles both worlds with ease.

41) So, this pop star, accused of pedophilia, is asked by a reporter, "So what exactly where the children doing in your home?" The pop star replies, "Playing musical instruments." Reporter asks, "Musical instruments? Like what?" Pop star replies, "My organ."

42) So, this gimp, after losing every match in an S & M competition (don't ask me what goes on there) says forlornly, "I guess I'm everybody's whipping boy."

43) To make people laugh, you've to go for their jocular.

44) I think I may have lost my sense of humour. I fractured my funny bone & severed my jocular vein.

45) My porn movie's tribbing scenes didn't make it past the censors' scissors.

46) Beware, software geeks, a hot laptop can destroy your bits.

47) So this guy who's into sadism, keeps on beating his girlfriend without penetrating. Exasperated by the lack of action, she says "C'mon already, stop beating around the bush!"

48) Overheard a woman's rant: "My boyfriend isn't innovative in bed. For him, it's only pussy, pussy & pussy. I wish he'd think outside the box."

49) Zillions of years ago, a wise old man predicted humans of the future would be forced to have protected sex. His words proved to be prophylactic.

50) Q: Why did the clown in the movie run?

     A: 'cos he wanted to be a running joke.

51) My girlfriend rarely puts out. Yeah, she's mingy with her minge.

52) Q: What's common to Ada Lovelace, widely considered the world's first computer programmer, & Linda Lovelace, the immortal porn star of 'Deep Throat'?

A: Both had something to do with bits.

Pun Intended - 44

2010-05-24T07:28:00.000-07:00

1) Heard about the pest exterminator who also indulges in unsafe sex? He's a bugchaser, indeed.

2) When a bitch is in heat, she's ready to hitch in a beat.

3) In the technology battle, aliens run crop circles around humans.

4) Heard about the method actor who just landed the role of a dermatologist? He's trying hard to get into the skin of his character.

5) Heard about this dermatologist who ventured into films? Now all he does is skin flicks.

6) Q: Why can't Muslims inculcate a habit of saving money?
    A: 'cos it's unholy to have piggy banks.

7) Atheist? Jesus will be cross with you.

8) Q: How does a dyslexic guy react to misfortune?
    A: "This happens."

9) Q: What does a porn star do for good luck?
      A: Grab a hard-on & say "Touch wood!"

10) Lingerie thief gives police the slip.

11) Q: How do you tell a woman she's a bitch, without using the word 'bitch'?
     A: Throw a stick and say 'Fetch'.

12) Redefinition:
One-trick pony = A pony that indulges in prostitution only once in its lifetime.

13) To all the self-gratification addicts out there: Replace hand-jobs with foot-jobs. It's time you tried something offbeat.

14) Jack the Ripper to an upset, unwilling victim : "Oh, come on, don't be so cut up."

15) So, if a transsexual opens a car repair/servicing centre, what exactly is (s)he to interpret when a customer says, "I want a new tranny." ?

16) So, this craftsman who's bad in bed, says it's always the fault of the hos. Guess it isn't true that a bad craftsman always blames his tool.

17) So this Frenchman goes into this restaurant & places his order. Immediately, the chef chops off the Frenchman's legs, cooks 'em & serves 'em. Y'see, the poor bastard ordered Frog Legs.

18) Q: If a thief sneaks into a house & steals the resident babe's virginity, what should he be charged with?
A: Breaking and entering.

19) Do fat people go skinny dipping?

20) Guess what I saw on a colleague's PC? 'McAfee removed a Trojan'. Strange that an anti-virus thingamajig chooses to remove a condom.

21) Between anorexic women & Rubenesque women, we straight men would plump for the latter any day.

22) Breaking news: Prude govt. puts a gag on S & M.

Supporters of S & M whip up frenzy across the country.

In retaliation, the govt. takes a hell-for-leather approach and cracks the whip on the supporters of S & M.

23) Q: Why is a tomato always happy to let go of opportunities? A: 'cos it means missing the gravy train.

Pun Intended - 43

2009-10-15T14:00:00.000-07:00

1) Polly the parrot just died with a boom. Don't blame me. How was I to know she wanted crackers of the edible variety?

2) Q: What do you calling a hooker who bores you by droning on about useless things?
A: Ho-hum.

3) Sale sign outside lingerie shop - "Flat 50% off on push-up bras."

4) This new book on sex is really great. Just how great? Well, its foreword page is titled 'Foreplay'.

Pun Intended - 42

2009-10-11T08:34:00.000-07:00

1) Wanting to nix the pending hush-hush wedding, this male cantaloupe says to the female cantaloupe: "I'm sorry, but we cantaloupe."

2) Did you know supermarkets have dedicated spots to ogle at girls? Yep, they are called checkout counters.

3) Movie buff: I saw Guy Ritchie's 'Snatch'.
His none-too-bright friend: Really? I always thought Guy's a man.

4) Priapism & a sense of humour is all that a man requires to be a stand-up comedian.

5) Heard about this guy who's forced to work as a gimp? Talk about bonded labour.

6) Advice to politicans: When a dirt-digging journalist tells the world that you indulge in wife-swapping, deny it aggressively & threaten to sue. In other words, come out swinging.

7) So, the Drug Enforcement Administration finds that this guy has hidden cocaine in his rectum. Next day's headlines read: "DEA finds crack in man's butt."

8) So this none-too-impressive actor with a priapism problem tried his luck in the porn industry. The critics wrote him off as a wooden actor.

9) I want to buy Viagra but I am hard on cash.

10) A good sexologist always advocates different lovemaking positions, with a missionary zeal.

Pun Intended - 41

2008-11-16T21:53:00.000-08:00

1) Know why straight men are vegetarians?

Answer: 'cos they don't eat meat.

2) Heard about the ex-con who's now making a clean living as a grave-digger? Well, talk about burying the past.

3) Heard about this rich socialite who lost her status as the world's #1 shopaholic? You could say she's a spent force.

4) Heard about this guy who suffers from priapism and isn't a stickler for punctuality? Well, he always stands up his dates.

5) Know why this sharpshooter took some valium pills?

Answer: His nerves were shot.

6) Heard about this attention-seeker who stapled his lips & nostrils? Well, it did pay off. Y'see, everybody's attention was pinned to him.

7) So there's this fellatio competition. And just like it happens in a tennis Grand Slam, the top-seeded(!) ho faces off with the rank underdog ho in the final. The reporters buzz around the underdog & ask her about her chances against the heavily favoured topseed. Her reply, "I won't go down without a fight."

8) Heard about this guy who manages to ruin every business he gets involved with? No wonder he's called the "Jack off all trades."

9) Heard about this annoying acupuncturist? He's a prick indeed!

10) Heard about this irritating handyman? He's a tool indeed!

11) Heard about this guy who suffers from severe irritable bowel syndrom (IBS) ? No wonder the poor bastard feels pooped all day.

12) Y'know, I am impatiently waiting to fulfil this strange fetish of mine. The fetish being a hot babe licking my baby-batter off my chest. The day it happens, it'll certainly be a load off my chest.

13) Jack the ripper likes only sharp knives and cleavers. Yeah, if they're blunt, he gets pretty cut up.

14) Here's some friendly advice from a vegetarian - "Steer clear of beef."

15) Know why this bald man is so unflappable?

Answer : Nobody can get in his hair.

Pun Intended - 40

2008-09-01T08:37:00.000-07:00

1) Heard about this grammarian who met with an accident?

Poor bastard's been in a comma ever since!

2) This lingerie company, which has found itself in dire straits, is downsizing. Yeah, many employees are being handed pink slips.

3) Sign outside a tony and obscenely expensive gym in London - "We make sure you lose pounds, this way or that way."

4) Heard about this legless guy who's famed for his calmness?

Well, it isn't a surprise given that nobody can tread on his toes.

5) Heard about this 'omo who's on his deathbed, thanks to heavy-duty smoking?

Talk about being at the fag end of life.

6) Heard about this guy who can resist the seductions of all women except the Chinese ones?

Guess he too has chinks in his armour.

7) Stealing fruits from a guarded tree requires you to be real plucky.

8) After years of denying having got silicon implants, this starlet has finally decided to make a clean breast of it.

9) Heard about this puppeteer who is never serious about any babe he beds?

Well, he likes to have relationships with no strings attached.

10) Heard about this hot-tempered stripper?

Well, she's very famous for easily losing her shirt.

11) Heard about this angler who thought he could strike it rich with cyber-crime ? Somebody told the poor sod that all it takes to be a cyber criminal is expertise in phishing.

12) This guy, depressed about his willie's small size, is pouring his heart out to his friends. Unbeknownst to him & his cronies, his old man walks over to the group and asks what they're discussing. Startled, the guy blurts out, "Oh, nothing, dad. Just having small talk."

13) Heard about this famous artist who looks like a Greek god?

No wonder he draws so many women!

14) Saw this documetary about dissecting cadavers?

It's truly visceral.

15) Here's a good copy for a condom ad: "I'm a stickler for punctuality... but on special occasions, I like to come late."

16) Following his arrest for getting a fellatio from a ho, this movie star is worried about his image. His manager assures him, "Oh don't worry. Public memory is short. In a month or so, this controversy will blow over."

17) Here's what I'll write to a babe when I am desperate to bed her:

"F _ ck. I can't complete this word without you."

18) I had got the shares of Frito Lay's dirt cheap way back then. Now that their value has appreciated a zillion percent, it's time for me to cash in on my chips.

19) Know why this Muay Thai champion snorts cocaine before his fights?

It gives him a kick.

20) Heard about this guy called John, who can delay his ejaculation as long as he wants to?

Everyone calls him "Johnny-come-lately".

Pun Intended - 39

2008-06-14T18:58:00.000-07:00

1) I told these group of gymnasts with some jokes. In fact, I had them in splits.

2) Heard about the talented but failed plumber? Poor guy didn't tap his potential.

3) A hot, curvy, va-va-voom babe from Thailand has moved in next door. I think I'll put into practise the phrase "Love Thai neighbour".

4) Heard about this hangman who's blessed with a large manhood? You could say he's well hung.

5) So this well hung guy invites over a call girl & asks her to give him head. When he drops out of his pants, the ho is stunned by his manhood & keeps on staring for a minute. Exasperated, the guy says, "Let's get down to business, shall we?"

6) Priapism can really give a man a hard time.

Pun Intended - 38

2008-04-24T22:18:00.000-07:00

1) I won this contest for the best erection. When I showed off my trophy to my dad, he said, "Keep it up, son!"

2) I am reading this book on euthanasia. It's so bloody interesting that I just can't put it down.

3) Heard about this guy who's got an obsessive habit of giving the highway salute to anyone & everyone he sees? The shrinks who analyzed him couldn't put a finger on it.

4) This poor bastard who's a bit deaf is busy bonking his girlfriend. Sure enough, the broad gets an orgasm & lets out a barely audible "Oh my god". Unable to get her, he asks her, "Eh? Come again?"

(Now, before you pull out the knives, let me tell you that I'm myself hearing impaired & it's not that I enjoy making fun of disabilities in real life.)

5) This guy's got a strange problem of temporary hearing loss whenever he gets an erection. Hard of hearing, eh?
(He should thank his stars he doesn't suffer from priapism. And no, neither do I suffer from priapism.)

6) I am a very liberal man who thinks of curvy females 24/ 7. I guess you could call me broad-minded.

7) Heard about this poor bastard who died after beign savagely mauled by a Kodiak bear? You could say he met with a grizzly end.

Pun Intended - 37

2008-02-12T05:15:00.000-08:00

1) I read in the papers that scientists are going to use gene modifications to make cows give milk in various flavours like strawberry, chocolate, so on. I think it's udder nonsense.

2) Heard about this bumbling guy who got caught while trying to smuggle hallucinogenic drugs? Well, you could say he made a hash of it.

3) Q - Why did Pepsi fire one of their top execs, who happened to be a junkie?

A - 'cos they caught him doing Coke.

4) The founder of the magazine "Hustler" is a miser, y'know? Yeah, Larry's a skinFlynt.

5) Heard about this Hispanic guy who has a fetish for cleanliness & neatness? Talk about being spic & span.

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Not a pun, but what the hell -

Juan --> Huan
Javier --> Havier
Jose --> Hose
Jumper --> ??

Some new words - 31

2008-02-12T04:54:00.000-08:00

Lacktate - To produce insufficient quantity of breast-milk.

Seephilis - A problem of immense eye strain caused by watching too much porn.

Looquacious - Droning on & on about toilets.

Jizzus - The God of male fertility.

Cellibate - One who has never used a cell phone.

Pshycopath - A psychopath who is bashful. (Now don't ask me what 'bash'ful means. )

Pryapism - Persistent problem of being a nosy parker.

Dissoriented - To have a tendency of insulting others most of the time.

Hundread - To be scared shitless of Attila the Hun.

Fournicate - To knock up 4 times.

Thesbian - A lesbian actress.

Enemya - To flush out your enemies. (If you're being buggered by your enemy, you now know what to do, don't you?)

Premoneytion - A feeling that you're going to lose money in the days to come.

Reinterpreting words - 28

2008-02-12T04:41:00.000-08:00

Hunker - To desire strongly for a hunk.

Deliberate - To lambast a food shop.

Dramatic - Spectacular twitching of the face.

Consequence - A series of deceitful acts.

Humdrum - To hum & drum at the same time in a bored manner.

Curfew - Small number of mutts.

Triad - 3 Chinese advertisements.

Some new words - 30

2008-01-03T10:20:00.000-08:00

Spayctre - A ghost that creates inside you a fear of castration.

Suemo - A big lawsuit.

Okaysion - Any event where a go-ahead is given.

Webshite - A really bad & shoddy website.

Caddylac - A company that manufactures golfing carts for caddies.

Weeird - A little bit odd.

Fobia - A strong fear of being deceived.

Man Fryday - The chief assistant to a chef who specializes in cooking oily food.

Defunkt - The state of having lost all funkiness.

Pun Intended - 36

2008-01-03T09:42:00.000-08:00

1) This dumb babe gets a job as a lifeguard. On her first day to the job, she comes wearing nothing but a gun. Well, she was told to wear a one-piece swimsuit.

2) Q: What do you tell a golfer if you want him to remain steady while putting?

A: "Stay putt."

3) This kangaroo goes to a shrink to find out if anything's wrong with it. The shrink checks the kangaroo & says, "I think you jump to conclusions too much."

4) This thief is produced in the court on the charges of having stolen gold jewellery. After hearing the evidence, the judge says, "Your gilt is proven beyond doubt."

5) Q: What do you call it when a despicable person wants to throw up?

A: A wretch is wanting to retch.

6) Rapper Curtis Jackson is thinking of having his own line of perfumes. He plans to brand the perfumes by the name of "50 Scent".

7) Q: What do you say when you see a very fat woman?

A: "She's broad."

8) I joined this course for rapelling. Well, being a greenhorn & all that, I made heavy weather of it on the first day. The trainer tried to encourage me by saying it was a descent effort.

9) Night-vision goggles are really cool, y'know? Yeah, you can make light of darkness.

Some new words - 29

2007-10-13T03:31:00.000-07:00

Sellibate - A salesman who has failed to make a single sale.

Sobbatical - A break from crying.

Mushine - A computer that generates thousands of lovey-dovey messages for the likes of Hallmark.

Harpes - Repetitive stress injury caused by playing the harp too much.

Soberiquet - A staid & boring nickname OR A nickname given to a guy who's able to stand sober after downing drinks.

Titotaller - A guy who refrains from touching the breasts of a woman when having sex with her.

Roamantic - Very fond of roaming.

Penisillin - An antibiotic to treat infections & diseases of the penis.

Migrainte - The headache caused to the government by the influx of migrants.

Shyne - Dim glow.

Veneereal disease - A sexually transmitted disease that is superficial.

Reinterpreting words - 27

2007-10-13T03:12:00.000-07:00

Sewage - Shitty salary.

Woodpecker - A phallic sculpture made of wood.

Faggot - A 'omo with a cigarette.

Gonad - An ad painted on a testicle. (Hey, after the forehead, cleavage & midriff, don't you think it's time?)

Germane - Relevant & appropriate hair.

Reinterpreting words - 26

2007-09-28T08:55:00.000-07:00

Renegade - A person who ditches Gatorade for Powerade.

Cocktail - A tail that is shaped like a phallus.

Redress - To get dressed again.

Intimidate - A date who strikes fear in the heart.

Nabob - A wealthy man named Robert.

Barbarian - A savage guy in the bar.

Popemobile - A pope who's not wheelchair-bound.

iDiot - An iPod-toting fool.

Some new words - 28

2007-09-28T08:23:00.000-07:00

Abnoxious - A paunchy & offensive belly.

Disstaff - Women who are rude.

Hypeochondriac - A screwball who loves to publicize his imaginary ailments to the world.

Funnee - A funny sounding maiden name of a woman.

Misstaken - A babe who's already been snapped by some other dickhead.

Rayduce - To decrease the glare.

Sinonymous - Equated with sin.

Pierate - One who steals pies.

Loyell - Dedicated to yelling.

Innoscent - Innocuous scent.

Bowhemian - Unconventional style of bowing.

Sueicide - To take someone to court even when you know that you have a snow's chance in hell of winning the case.

Coytus - Sexual union of a shy couple.

(If they are shy, how the hell do they find the balls to fuck? You tell me!)

Weapun - A deadly pun.

Gleecerine - A liquid used by actors when the director requires them to shed tears of joy.

Drakeula - A male duck that's got fangs.

Omniwhore - A whore present everywhere at the same time.

Socker - A game that combines football & fisticuffs.

Quillt - A blanket made from quills.

Squintessential - The perfect squint.

Seadate - Very calm sea.

Genietals - A genie's privates.

Harelot - A whore who has a lot of bunnies.

Bootcher - To shatter someone by booing loudly.

Pun Intended - 35

2007-09-27T01:59:00.000-07:00

1) The Prime Minister of Holland , a none-too-bright guy is alarmed by the repeated floods. So he orders that all lesbians be killed & their dead bodies be used to keep the waters at bay. You see, somebody told him dykes are useful to prevent flooding.

2) This guy has a nasty fall while riding his bike & ends up breaking the bone from the shoulder to the elbow. He makes for a funny sight in his cast. When his pals make fun of him, he says the jokes aren't humerus.

3) This guy lost his beloved moped. So devastated was he by this that he moped for many months.

4) This car company found itself under the scanner when its cars were reported to be unsafe while braking. Refusing to take the blame, the company blamed the supplier of brakes. The brake-making company, in turn said that the car's poor designs were to blame for the brakes failing. After some days of acrimony, the two dragged each other to court. Sad that their partnership had to brake up.

5) Heard about this hotshot baseball pitcher who is a devotee of Bacchus? Well, he's fond of benders.

6) This veteran software programmer who was unwilling to learn newer ways of programming, stuck to procedural programming. When a mega project had to be executed, he found that he couldn't do anything his way. So the company hired a kid who successfully executed the project using OOP (Object Oriented Programming). Impressed with the kid, the company fired the veteran. The kid surely gave the veteran programmer an object lesson, huh?

7) Q: How do you convince a fat friend to reduce the flab?

Answer : You lean on him/her.

8) This butler plays tennis very well, y'know? Well, it shouldn't be a surprise given that he's known for serving well.

9) I am hoping to get picked by a big advertising agency. If my dreams don't come true, I'll be piqued.

10) This guy has a terrible accident, & his family jewels & dick get detached from his body. Scared shitless, he collects them & goes to the hospital. After examining him, the surgeons say that they can successfully re-attach his organs & that his sexual prowess would not be affected. The guys replies, "Wow! I'm thrilled to bits!"

11) This new dentist initially found it very tough to have a clinic up & going.Can be said that the poor fellow faced a lot of teething problems.

12) The cops managed to nab this fugitive who had a heart problem. When they put the handcuffs on him, he died of the shock. Cardiac arrest, eh?

13) This newly launched vibrator has failed to make a mark in the sex toy market. Yeah, people say it's no great shakes.

14) Heard about this rude magician who disses everybody by making obscene gestures? Well, he's known for his slight-of-hand skills.

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This section has nothing to do with puns, but what the hell!

1) I'm ambidextrous, y'know? Yep, I can dig my nose with either hand.

2) Always use a condom. Prevention is better than abortion.

3) Circular definitions:

Vest - A man's bra.
Bra - A woman's vest.

Snot - Nasal semen.
Semen - Penile snot.

4) What we eat is passed out as turd the next day. Which means we all eat shit.

Some new words - 27

2007-08-22T09:09:00.000-07:00

Skidaddle - To ski very fast in panic.

Hareness - To control & direct a rabbit.

Invenctive - Inventive in conjuring up new & weird expletives or insults.

Obknocksious - Annoying way of knocking up.

Amalgame - A game that is a combination of two or more games.

Wailrus - A large marine mammal that cries at the drop of a hat.

Homiecide - To carry out the killing of a friend.

Oaffice - An office full of stupid people.

Pun Intended - 34

2007-08-22T08:40:00.000-07:00

1) This farmer who grows pears is a very senstitive guy,y'know? Yeah,even the slightest criticism will pears his heart.

2) How do you make fun of a fashion designer?

Answer : You should say something tongue-in-chic.

3) Loki, the god who was a trickster, got all the other gods pissed off with him. As they were baying for his blood, he decided to remain Loki until the storm blew over.

4) This guy has a fetish for fat women. When he comes of a marriageable age, his parents ask him in a worried tone whether he'll select the right woman. He replies ,"Don't worry, I'll plump for the right woman."

5) The police were called to track down the robbers who had made off with a truck carrying millions of dollars. The police pressed sniffer dogs into service, but after some time ,the dogs lost the cent of the robbers.

Pun Intended - 33

2007-08-04T07:25:00.000-07:00

1)Why is it so difficult to get Count Dracula to invest in companies?

Answer : 'cos he doesn't like to have stakes.

2) This baseball pitcher injured his shoulder. The physiotherapist said that the injury is so severe that he won't ever be able to pitch again. No wonder that the pitcher has been in the throws of despair ever since!

3) Even if you have a bad cold & feel like blowing your nose,be mindful of others' sensitivities. It snot the done thing to offend others.

4) This peacenik in the Spanish government has brokered peace between the government & the ETA. No wonder that he wants to Basque in glory.

5) Heard about this fisherman who's obsessed with catching only bass all the time? He's a bassket case indeed!

6) This coloured presidential candidate initially found it difficult to gain acceptance among the whites. But after putting a lot of effort in sending out his message of economic reforms,he wan them over.

7) What do you get when you divide a country into antagonistic states that only serves to make the people cry in despair?

Answer : Bawlkan region.

8) Heard about this dye-making company that's struggling to stay afloat & pay the workers ? Well,it's in dyer straits.

9) Why did this baseball pitcher also make a good salesman?

Answer : 'cos he had a good sales pitch.

10) What happens when a huge & heavy wreath falls on you?

Answer : You wreathe in agony.

11) Heard about this flashy biker who likes to wear flamboyant & loud colored helmets? He likes to be Shoei.

Some new words - 26

2007-08-04T07:23:00.000-07:00

Kindread - Fear of relatives.

Anorack - A jacket with a hood for the bosom.

Shabbylis - Badly made Chablis.

Neofight - A new brawl.

Whyrus - A disease of asking "why" all the time.

Cockette - A woman who trifles with a man's dick.

Commoditty - A useful song.

Innoweight - Make changes in the body weight in a novel way.

Infinitesimull - To give little or no thought.

Muttiny - A rebellion of dogs.

Reinterpreting words - 25

2007-08-04T07:21:00.000-07:00

Olfactory - An ancient factory.

Scandinavian - A person who scans everything.

Petulant - An irritable pet.

Narcissistic - A drug dealer's excessive love about his own narcotics stuff.

Woodchuck - An animal that chucks wood.

Acronyms - 2

2007-07-25T07:40:00.000-07:00

SPCA - Society for Promotion of Cute Animals.

PTA - Pelvic Thrusters' Association.

PDA - Public Display of Anger.

VIP - Very Idiotic Person.

PETA - People for Extreme Torture of Animals. (I am actually an animal lover & a vegetarian, it really hurts)

WYSIWYG - What You See Isn't What You Get.

Pun Intended - 32

2007-07-25T07:21:00.000-07:00

1) Ray Kroc, the founder of McDonald's exhorts his employees to improve the speed of cooking & serving. Sure enough, his inspirational speech has a dramatic improvement in the fast food chain as regards the speed of serving the customers. Now,Ray is thinking of renaming his fast food chain as MachDonald's.

2) I've this bad habit of waking up very late in the morning. I really want to start getting up at sunrise. I think it's going to be a dawnting task.

3) This unlucky bastard from Sweden was attacked by cannibals while going through a jungle in the Amazon. The cannibals killed & ate him. The cannibals were surprised to find that he tasted Swede.

4) Heard about this weaver who likes to tell stories? Yeah, he really likes to spin a yarn.

5) This guy took up to being a cotton grower. However ,as he had no experience , his initial attempts gave a poor yield . But after a few months of trial & error ,he finally cotton.

6) Heard about this hunky illustrator? Well, he draws women to him like a flame attracts moths.

7) This horse-breeder has a large stud farm. One day, there's a fire in the horse barn & all the horses perish. The breeder goes off the rails. After many months of psychiatric treatment,he becomes stable.

8) This film star complains to the police that an obsessive fan's been stalking her for many days. The police find that the fan keeps on changing his address. So the police fan out to hunt the fan.

9) This dog is a famous film star. However,he's fed up of giving interviews left ,right & centre. One day, an overzealous television reporter wakes him up when he's asleep. The doggy film star loses his temper & gives her sound bites.

10) There's this crying contest held to find out who can cry the best. After the conclusion of the contest,the winner is asked how it feels. The happy winner says,"All's wail that ends wail."

11) This rapper is famous for his expletive laden & violence glorifying lyrics. His songs influence the youth to take to crime. So the police arrest him & produce him in court on charges of inciting disorder. The judge says to the rapper in a harsh tone,"Your vile lyrics & songs have had a negative influence on the youth." The chastened rapper says,"Yes ,your honor,I take the rap for this."

12) This tranquil place,a home to many birds , began to lose its charm when a factory came up. Some months down the line, the place had many factories belching smoke & pollutants from their chimneys. Fed up of the noise & pollution, all the birds flue away.

13) This farmer falls on hard times & is unable to feed his cattle properly. The cows get into a nostalgic mode & say ,"Ah! How we miss those old days of getting to eat good quality hay! Sigh,those were the haydays."

14) This small county is terrorised by this film star who has a habit of drinking & driving very recklessly. One day, she goes over the top in DUI & nearly ends up killing a few pedestrians. The sheriff arrests her & takes her to the court. The judge says to the sozzled film star,"I'll let you out on bailiff you promise to sober up."

15) I visited a sugar factory recently. I saw that the molasses really treacles very slowly.

16) The farmers are being harassed by swarms of locusts who damage all the crops. Hence the government decides to employ pest extermination services to deal with the problem. However ,fanatical animal rights activists go to court against this decision. The court throws out the animal rights activists' petition saying that they had no locust standi.

17) This weird guy ,who had a fickle mind, veered very often.

Some new words - 25

2007-07-25T07:18:00.000-07:00

Rawish - Having a strange desire to be assaulted sexually.

Zombia - A country full of zombies.

Boorbon - A whisky targeted at boors.

Neighgeria - A country where horses outnumber men.

Necksus - The linking of necks that occurs when a couple indulges in snogging.

Metallorgy - The science of combining many metals.

Screwtinize - To analyse the act of intercourse.

Reinterpreting words - 24

2007-07-25T07:17:00.000-07:00

Pussy - To view turd.

Virile - Having potency to annoy others.

Scatter - To fling turd.

Deliberate - To imprison.

Hiatus - To take a break from saying "hi".

Mundane - A very boring person from Denmark.

Photo of how a typical rough draft looks like

2007-07-25T07:12:00.001-07:00

Some new words - 24

2007-07-23T21:45:00.001-07:00

Mercynary - Someone who shows mercy only when s/he's paid money.

Roly-polly - A chubby parrot.

Fartist - A person who has elevated the act of breaking wind into an art form.

Playtonic - The word that best describes any game that doesn't involve any physical contact.

Iconolast - The least popular idol.

Geigler Counter - A device to measure laughter.

Oddyssey - An odd & very long adventurous journey.

Treecherous - A tree that can't be relied upon to give a consistent yield of fruits.

Hackneed - To have a knee chopped.

Thighland - The sex capital of the world.

Bangcock - The capital of Thighland.

Geecko - A geek who can climb walls.

Reinterpreting words - 23

2007-07-23T21:43:00.000-07:00

Carnal - A very sexy car.

Illegitimate - To indulge in unlawful sex.

Tinsel - To vend tin.

Taxidermy - The art of preserving a taxi's body in good condition even after the engine & all other parts are rusting in peace.

Scabbard - The itch to become a poet.

Blindfold - To fold something without looking at it.

Continued - A shaven pussy.

Slumber - A sleepy & dull slum.

Pun Intended - 31

2007-07-23T21:42:00.000-07:00

1) I went to a restaurant & ordered a sandwich. Those health nuts gave me one without butter. I flared up & demanded that the bread slices be slathered liberally with butter. They agreed to my demand & brought a much changed sandwich. I was pleased & said ,"The sandwich is much butter now."

2) This superstore stocks a vast array of incense sticks from different manufacturers,all of them josstling for your attention.

3) I would like to fight global warming. So I am planning to grove a lot of trees.

4) The morality brigade & the health nuts of this country come together to push for a total ban on booze. The captains of the booze industry ,to fight this ban proposal,then gather together & go to the ruling party's headquarters with a truckload of money. The booze honchos say to the party's top rung of leaders,"Look,we don't want a ban. So please take as much money as you want & Bacchus to the hilt."

5) This poor scholar lives in squalor.

Some new words - 23

2007-07-18T22:42:00.000-07:00

Simiantics - A monkey's pranks.

Philosofee - The fee taken by a philosopher to give a lecture.

Arsenull - Having no buttocks.

Polltergeist - A ghost that's used to do mischief during elections.

Thoraxe - The axe of Thor,the god of thunder.

Whiskee - The person or thing that has been whisked away.

Ambivalentine - A sweetheart who's uncertain of giving a commitment.

Reinterpreting words - 22

2007-07-18T22:39:00.000-07:00

Gallant - A brave ant.

Button - An arse weighing 1000 kilograms.

Pomfret - An Englishman who worries too much.

Codswallop - A severe blow given by a large sea fish.

Drawer - Someone who does sketches.

Emulate - To imitate an emu.

Kvetch - To etch a complaint.

Pun Intended - 30

2007-07-18T22:35:00.000-07:00

1) Why should you never tell a pig your secrets?

Answer: 'cos it is likely to squeal on you.

2) Corruption is rampant in the Mediterranean region. You've to Greece palms to get the smallest of things done.

3) This unfriendly guy goes to a career counsellor to ask what job will suit him the best. The counsellor says he's best suited to be a dour-to-dour salesman.

4) These 2 countries are trading charges of espionage. More & more serious charges are being levelled everyday. The situation looks like it's spyralling out of control.

5) This eagle is very skilled at catching prey. Yeah,it's very talonted.

6) Heard about the fastest supercomputer? It's really inCraydible.

7) The employees are against their boss who's too harsh & rude. So the top brass issues a warning to the guy saying , "If you are rough with your juniors,you'll have to tender your resignation."

8) This man was once a die-hard devotee of Bacchus. But he turned to religion & God to give up the bottle. He's now very spiritual.

9) How do you appreciate a welder?

Answer : By saying "Weldone".

10) This guy ,who doesn't pressurise anybody,goes to his pal's place. He finds that the pal & his home are very filthy. He tells the pal to improve the cleanliness. His pal says he likes everything to be dirty. So the guy says to the pal ,"Soot yourself."

11) I simply dislike people hunting game birds. I've got a grouse against the hunters.

12) This cosmetic surgeon,employed by a hospital, is very corrupt & siphons off funds meant for medical purposes. When the hospital finds this out,they charge him with graft.

13) This film star complains to the police that an obsessive fan has been stalking her for many days. So the police fan out to hunt down the stalker.

14) If a plumber is too noisy ,what do you do?

Answer : You tell him to pipe down.

15) This man's crying because his house has got burnt down. His pal tries to console him with the words,"Try to move on. Don't dwell on it."

16) No matter how scenic a place might be,it's never enough for a cynic.

Some new words - 22

2007-07-13T22:11:00.000-07:00

Sodomight - The strength of a bugger.

Backteria - The bacteria found on your back.

Boatany - The science of boats.

Missadventure - A lady who's fond of adventures OR To miss the action.

Spaycialist - A surgeon whose expertise lies in spaying.

Agetated - To be disturbed by advancing age.

Puppee - A pup takes a piss.

Feeud - A quarrel over the fee.

Mousselini - An Italian dictator who liked to eat mousse.

Squandary - The quandary over how to squander money.

Leperd - A leopard with leprosy.

Reinterpreting words - 21

2007-07-13T22:07:00.000-07:00

Nutshell - What a very tight fitting brief feels like to a man.

Hispanic - A man's fear.

Radioactive - A radio in fine condition.

Number - Comparative of numb.

Monotony - Single & posh.

Kegel exercises - Exercises which involve lifting of heavy beer kegs.

Citizen - An enlightened city.

Titbit - A small piece of the breast.

Average - To declare one's age.

Chimera - An imaginary chime.

Howitzer - A very difficult question.

Snippet - A cut off small piece of your pet.

Dumpy - The person who's been dumped by his/her partner.

Paladin - The commotion created by pals.

Pun Intended - 29

2007-07-13T21:52:00.000-07:00

1) I went to a car showroom to buy a car. I found a car that I liked but I was puzzled to find a poisonous snake on the windshield. I asked the salesman about it. He replied ,"Oh ,that's the windshield viper."

2) When the wives & girlfriends of footballers are without an iota of humor in them,why the hell are they called WAGS?

3) This athlete injures his knee very badly in an accident. The physiotherapist says he kneeds a surgery.

4) This Oriental guy returns home after a few years in the west. His people are surprised to see him being so wasteful. They say it's the wastern influence.

5) Director Ang Lee is livid that the shooting is behind schedule. An assistant sees him & asks him ,"Are you annoyed,sir?" Ang Lee replies ,"Yeah,I'm Ang Lee".

For those who didn't get the joke : I read somewhere that Oriental men have a tendency to replace "R" with "L" while speaking.

6) I find washing dishes to be too tiring. I sure could use a slave to help me with this. Yeah,I want a vessel.

For those who didn't get it : vessel --> vassal.

7) The CEO of Ray Ban is a very defiant man. He always glares at others.

8) I found this little kid fooling around with a tyre of a car. I asked him whether he was trying to puncture the tyre. The kid issued a flat denial.

9) The garbage collectors group,all of whom are racing enthusiasts, has come out with a plan of holding dreg races.

10) This pro-vegetarian group is pretty pissed off with non-vegetarians. Some fanatics of this group suggest that they carry out violent attacks on non-vegetarians. However,the leader of the group says,"Violence is the last option. It's better to issue vealed threats."

11) Cold places aren't the best places to have sex. Y'know why?

Answer : 'cos you are likely to become frigid.

12) This lawyer, a specialist in handling divorce cases,is fed up of having handled only divorce cases for the past so many years. He says he wants a change & he is looking forward to handling other types of cases too. Yeah,he wants to divorcefy.

13) There's this competition for companies. It involves going bankrupt in the shortest time. I hear all the participants will go for broke.

14) Dell,the maker of PCs, is truly in deep shit. Its earnings have nosedived, it's struggling to keep down costs & it's also struggling to keep the shareholders happy. I guess it's a matter of time before the company is Delleted from the earth.

15) This dude has the habit of constantly complaining using the words "I don't like it." One fine day ,he decides to replace "I don't like it." with "This is not to my liking." Y'know what case is this ?

Answer: A case of old whine in new bottle.

16) One night,on my way home,I was accosted by a prostitute who offered her services. I was perplexed by this unknown woman & asked her ,"Who're you?"

17) This writer came out with a controversial book that pitted one particular religion against another religion. Sure enough,riots followed the publication of the book. It soon degenerated into a civil war & ultimately,the collapse of the nation. The writer sure wrote destruction,huh?

For those who didn't get it : wrote --> wrought

18) This fitness coach at the gym is a hard taskmaster. If you don't perform exercises for legs,he doesn't allow you to go squat free.

19) Valentino Rossi,the MotoGP racer, is asked about his future. He replies,"The future is Rossi."

20) If you do drugs , you'll end up as the dregs of society.

21) This woman,well known for her recklessness , was driving her car rashly when she met with an accident. She lost her breasts in that accident. Since then,she's been known as rackless.

22) This guy is taken to the cleaners by his wife when they divorce. He's deprived of almost all his wealth. He gets sad & is unable to snap out of depression for many months. His pal,not able to bear his sorry plight ,says to him , "Look,buddy,it's dime to move on."

Some new words - 21

2007-07-11T07:38:00.001-07:00

Epidermic - Widespread outbreak of a contagious skin disease.

Slawter - To ruin a salad.

Rabbid - A rabbit with rabies.

Blizard - A rash of lizards.

Mockasin - Counterfeit leather shoes.

Harriedan - A stressed out harridan.

Dissability - The ability to insult.

Liverworst - A sausage made of the worst liver.

Desultry - Not having an iota of sex appeal.

Reinterpreting words - 20

2007-07-11T07:33:00.000-07:00

Buffalo - A physically fit fellow.

Canada - A country with zero Chartered Accountants.

Desire - To stop making children.

Garbled - Disordered & confused dress.

Delight - To switch off the lights.

Pun Intended - 28

2007-07-11T06:40:00.000-07:00

1) It's very difficult for a pilot to ensure that the plane has a smooth takeoff & a smooth landing. Yeah, taxiing is very taxing.

2) The smell of burning joss sticks incenses me no end.

3) This tyrant takes cruelty to extreme lengths by not sparing anything,not even food. Yeah,he demands whipped cream topping.

4) What does a tailor say when he's pissed off because of a sewing mistake?

Answer : "Darn it".

5) This gambler goes to a casino. He plays the casino games recklessly & ends up owing the casino guys many times his wealth. He said he can't pay. What do the roughnecks of the casino do with the gambler?

Answer : They attack him with choppers ,swords & dice him.

6) This guy from Poland is going through a dense Amazon jungle,when he is attacked by a gang of hungry cannibals. The cannibals kill him. What do they do next?

Answer : They Polish him off.

7) This dog is very famous for retrieving chucked sticks & getting other things like the newspapers,shoes etc. The dog is very handsome too. You could say the dog looks fetching.

8) I'm very tired of work. I'm lounging to have a relaxing vacation .

9) This gambler goes to a casino & plays at the slot machines like there's no tomorrow. Sure enough, he ends up owing the casino many times his wealth. He says he can't pay. What do the roughnecks of the casino do?

Answer : They sloter him.

10) This food company ,which manufactures many different types of food under one brand umbrella ,is thinking of hiving off its honey business into a separate business.

11) A few weeks ago, I met this babe who works in a glue factory. We are bonding well.

12) When it comes to shampoos, Procter & Gamble is Head & Shoulders above everyone else.

13) This country wants to be the world's largest producer of rice. The prime minister exhorts the farmers to rice to the occassion.

14) This rowing coach, who cheats on his girlfriend, has an uncanny talent for spotting people with rowing skills. Guess he has a rowing eye.

15) A joke about cocaine cracks me up.

16) This pedigreed bitch(as in female dog) is upset with her boyfriend, a mongrel who lives on the streets. Why?

Answer : 'cos he strays very often.

17) Nike's sales have hit an Air pocket.

18) The top brass of Exxon Mobil was charged with insider trading. After a thorough enquiry , they were Exxonerated.

19) My pals said that I'm too boring & sedate. I tried to be loud,boisterous,fun-loving for the past few months. I've been unsuccessful so far in changing myself. I am staidily losing hope of giving myself a makeover.

20) This kangaroo is hopping mad.

Reinterpreting words - 19

2007-07-09T07:30:00.000-07:00

Sibling - Your sister's or brother's jewellery.

Versatile - Being able to churn out lots of poems.

Harem - A collection of rabbits.

Cashmere - A small amount of money.

Dragon - To prolong tediously.

Mankind - A man who's very considerate.

Shrewd - An intelligent woman who's prone to scolding others.

Vandalize - To willfully destroy a van.

Crowbar - A watering hole for crows.

Flummox - To confuse an ox.

Some new words - 20

2007-07-09T07:22:00.000-07:00

Divastation - The destruction caused by a diva's high pitched singing.

Alibility - The ability to cook up excuses.

Togle - To alternate between ogling & not ogling.

Armorous - To have a deep love for armor.

Apeiary - A place where monkeys are kept.

Commatose - A state of not using commas in writing.

Tollrant - To rage against an unjust toll.

Conoisseur - An expert who appreciates the field of conning.

Canarda - A country where everyone spreads false stories.

Pun Intended - 27

2007-07-09T06:46:00.000-07:00

1) Lebanon's contribution to calculus - Leibniz's theorem.

2) The press always mocks this airheaded socialite's bad English. The press prints her utterings & writing ad verbatim, liberally peppering the exact words with "(sic)". The socialite is sic of being ridiculed.

3) I'm being harassed by this sadistic guy for a long time. He lets loose his huge dogs on me to get a kick out of seeing me crap in my pants. I'm sic of this.

4) This lady meets with an accident. A few months after the operation,she finds that she still has numerous scars. So she visits a cosmetic surgeon to remove the scars. After the operation,she asks the surgeon,"Have all the scars gone?" The surgeon replies,"Well,all but a few. The scars are scarce now."

5) This tightly knit family has a few generations living together. They are in the business of making marijuana cigarettes. A joint family, huh?

6) The raging fire in the flea market forced everyone to flee.

7) Heard about this guy who works as a photographer in the day & as a pimp by night? Flash trade in the morning, flesh trade in the night.

8) Guy : Are you a virgin?
Babe : Yes.
Guy : Really?
Babe : That's the hole truth.

9) Pepsico is coming out with a new energy drink for gays. It's gonna be called "Gaytorade".

10) Heard about this ugly female assassin? Well,she's got looks that kill.

11) This guy is fed up of his girlfriend's obsession of squeezing lime in every food item that she prepares. No wonder their relationship is souring.

Pun Intended - 26

2007-07-06T04:59:00.000-07:00

1) This lady buys an expensive dress. However after 2 days,she finds that the seam is coming apart. She shows the dress to her friend & asks her whether the stitching is of poor quality. Her friend replies ,"It seams so."

2) This golfer is also a talented actor ,y'know ? Yeah,he's quite good at putting on an act.

3) This calculus professor has no children. You could say he has no derivatives.

4) This babe caught her glue-maker boyfriend in bed with another woman.Enraged,she shot him dead. Guess cheating sealed his fate.

5) This guy fell into a huge vat of glue. He met with a sticky end.

6) Kimi Raikkonnen ,the Ferrari racer, wins the 2007 World Drivers' Championship. Then everybody asks McLaren,"How could you be so K R less to let go of him?"

7) This punk loses in the International Shagging Contest. He's very upset & unhappy. His pals try to console him with "Cheer up,mate. It's not the end of the world. Try your hand at something else."

8) Cadbury Schweppes made a foray into the carbonated drinks category in India. They failed miserably. You could say that the competition 'Crush'ed Cadbury Schweppes.

9) Heard about this eccentric calculus professor? Well,he's got problems integrating into the society.

10) This guy is pissed off with poorly written books on general knowledge.So he gathers a heap of such books & sets them on fire. The police ask him what the hell he is doing. He replies,"I am culling information."

11) Rene Lacoste was never popular with people & never had any real friends. When he died , a large number of people shed Crocodile tears.

12) I can't figure out why I'm bad at maths.

13) Babes always do well in maths. Yeah,they are quite good with figures.

14) This rat & a donkey have a big showdown & they go to a court. The judge throws out their case with the words,"I don't give a rat's ass about this trivial matter."

15) This award-winning writer feels like having sex with his favourite whore. So he calls up the pimp & says ,"Booker."

16) The Tour de France was down to its last stage. These 2 cyclists were tied for the first place. The 2 were going neck & neck in the last stage & it wasn't clear who'd win.A few miles before the finish line one of the cyclists , a cunning guy, started talking non-stop to his rival. This disturbed the rival & he lost. "Spoke" in the wheel,huh?

17) Fat people are very stupid. Yeah,they're thick.

18) You oat to eat breakfast everyday.

19) Quaker & Kellogs are thinking of getting into the entertainment industry. They want to make cereals.

20) This fat man goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor says ,"I'm afraid you've got a slim chance of living a long life."

21) PETA wants to put an end to killing cows for beef. So they are going to start a mooment.

22) The marriage of this couple ,both geologists, has hit a rocky patch.

23) This biased man loses his buttocks in an accident. Now everybody calls him bye-assed.

24) What did the male sheep say to the female sheep?

Answer : I love ewe.

25) What do you do when you're pissed off with a philatelist?

Answer : You stamp him.

26) This software engineer, a cheap & trashy guy, got dumped by his g.f. Why?

Answer : 'cos she found him techie.

27) Which football ground has the refrees handing out the maximum number of red cards?

Answer : Stampford Bridge.

28) Bees are very wealthy ,y'know? Well,it shouldn't be a surprise given that they are stingy.

29) If you walk in a very weird way ,it gaits to people.

30) Exxon Mobil has come out with a stunning new advertisment. It's very slickly made.

31) This punk has no respect for social manners. He often shoots off his mouth & embarrasses others. His mother is at the end of her tether & asks him,"Have you ever thought how your words cause embarrassment to others?" He replies ,"No,it never awkward to me."

32) There is a dramatic decrease in the number of wildcats in the forest. The police arrest this guy who stays on the outskirts of the forest & charge him with hunting wildcats for their fur. However the court lets him off as the police fails to establish the lynx between the guy & the disappearance of the wildcats.

33) The farmers , the fruit growers & the granary owners complain to the government that much of their output is being damaged by beetles. The government says ,"Don't worry. Weevil solve your problems."

34) This gay man, a wannabe socialite, is really fond of being seen among the swish set.

35) This low-budget film "Insomnia" was released with no hype. It picked up publicity by word of mouth & became a sleeper hit.

(By the way,Insomnia is a really good movie. Christopher Nolan is a genius. I've yet to see the movie. The reviews are outstanding.)

36)This cricket-mad gigolo is a very good batsman. He effortlessly sends the bouncers soaring to the boundary. Know why?

Answer : 'cos he's a hooker.

37)A cricket match is going to be played between the Frankenstein XI & the Werewolf XI. Dracula is going to be the vampire.

38)I've the hots for this babe,a veterinarian. She's a vet dream come true.

Reinterpreting words - 18

2007-07-06T04:57:00.000-07:00

Vampire - Love child of a vamp & Dracula.

Rankled - To be infuriated at not getting the top rank.

Lackadaisical - Not having daisies.

Warrant - To rage against a war.

Bullet - To let in a bull.

Penultimate - The last pen.

Pentagram - 5 grams.

Expensive - An ex who is brooding.

Otter - A person who is fond of going Over The Top.

Ad verbatim - An advertisement that is a shameless copy of some other ad.

Some new words - 19

2007-07-06T04:54:00.000-07:00

Beerate - To judge the quality of a bee.

Fuckadaisical - Too listless to fuck.

Draconion - A very harsh onion that makes you cry excessively.

Sindicate - A group of sinners.

Disemvowel - To remove all vowels when sending a sms or chatting online.

Pleabeian - A request made by a commoner.

Amfibian - Someone who lies about being able to live on both land & water.

Hairlot - A whore who can give Rapunzel a run for her money.

Coorier - A messenger for sending lovey-dovey messages between lovers.

Pun Intended - 25

2007-07-03T06:15:00.000-07:00

1) Renault-Nissan is going through a lot of turbulence because of dwindling sales & heavy losses. The shareholders have unanimously decided to boot out the CEO. Yeah, Carlos will soon be Ghosn.

2) This elusive thief has one weakness. He just can't resist a woman with a nice rack. So the police entice him with a well endowed policewoman acting as a hooker. He falls for the booby trap.

3) This once healthy man took to chain smoking. Over the years,the heavy smoking took its toll & rendered him impotent. A case of going to seed,huh?

4) This babe is known for circulating wild rumours & gossip that brings others to grief. Her nickname is "Buzzooka".

5) The police arrest this conwoman & bring her to the prison. What do they do with her?
Answer : Jailer.

6) This experienced weaver lost the tag of the best weaver in the world to an upcoming weaver. The old geezer then made a wove to regain his numero uno status.

7) I recently took a bath in a bathtub filled with inferior quality liquor. I had a swill time.

8) Rip van Winkle's dying wish was to have a tombstone mentioning only his surname. So his tombstone read "R.I.P van Winkle".

9) Heard about this man who slept for 20 years?When he woke up ,he found he had become very old & haggard. People called him Rip van Wrinkle.

10) Heard about this man who slept for 20 years & then after waking up,went on a slashing spree with his 12 inch knife? They called him "Jack the Ripper van Winkle".

11) It was 7 a.m when I tried to swat these flies. When I finally swatted the last of those damned things, I was shocked to find the time was 12 a.m. When you are engrossed ,time sure flies ,eh?

12) These photographers have come together to form a click.

13) This truck carrying shit swerved out of control & turned turdtle.

14) I was amazed to see this guy cleaning the filthiest & the smelliest toilet without so much as crinkling his nose. I asked him how he could do so. His reply was ,"Son,after 10 years in this job,no toilet faeces me anymore."

15) This man is a master of disguise. He uses turd to change his mug. Man of many faeces ,isn't he?

16) This dullard goes to a party. Sometime into the party ,he does a handstand. Know why?
Answer : 'cos somebody said, "Bottoms up".

17) This guy is drinking soup when his pal drops in. His pal drinks a few spoons of the soup & says the soup tastes funny. The first guy says ,"No,I find it Knorrmal."

18) This jockey loses the derby & feels suicidal. His pals try to cheer him up with "C'mon ,don't be upset over a mare race."

19) This little bee is very unruly. As it happens,his mom has to host a party. So she warns him to be on his best beehaviour.

20) This motorman took to boozing after his g.f ditched him. Boozing made him go off-track & his career was derailed.

21) This guy has an ambition of starting a beer brewery. He's got the brewery draught ready.

Reinterpreting words - 17

2007-06-30T08:10:00.000-07:00

Insistent - In your sister's tent.

Cartel - A phone in a car.

Stink - A foul smelling kitchen sink.

Yoghurt - To get hurt while doing yoga.

Omnipresent - To simultaneously give gifts to different people in different places .

Conscience - The science of conning.

Hagiography - A biography of an ugly old woman.

Contract - An area of land owned by a conman.

Some new words - 18

2007-06-30T08:04:00.000-07:00

Abhortion - To be anti-abortion.

Haemogoblin - A red coloured goblin.

Neckromancer - A person who has a fetish of concentrating only on the neck when having sex.

Loocipher - A toilet with hidden secrets.

Pun Intended - 24

2007-06-30T06:43:00.000-07:00

1) This jockey is excited after winning the derby. He screams so much in excitement that his throat becomes horse.

2) This conservative man (may their tribe decrease) was pissed off to see his hot daughter dressed skimpily. What did he do?

Answer : He gave her a dressing down.

3) This painter loves to play defensive chess,y'know? He draws all his games.

4) This old man runs the biggest poultry business in the country. One day, his son usurps the business from him & throws him out. A case of coop d'etat , huh?

5) This vulture is eating a dead animal's flesh. A fellow vulture asks him ,"Whatcha doin'?" The first vulture replies ,"Eating. I'm busy ,don't disturb me" The second vulture says,"Oh,ok,carrion."

6) This guy is excited by the idea of swapping partners for a night of fun. So he asks his wife whether she's willing to go along with him. She replies ,"My mind is swinging between yes & no."

7) This man goes to a dentist. The dentists says his teeth are in such bad shape they gotta be knocked out. The man becomes distraught. The dentist says ,"You have to face the bitter tooth."

8) This guy who's in the business of tyres eats ,drinks & breathes tyres. His wife ditches him. Why?

Answer : She's tyred of his obsession.

9) This channel showed some programmes that were anti-Blacks. Following widespread protests,the channel was blacked out.

10) This guy has a strange desire for having sex with a witch. So he goes to a pimp who specializes in these things. Upon reaching ,the pimp parades half a dozen witches & asks ,"Witch one do you want to bed?"

11) This celebrity is fed up of the wild allegations against him. So when a reporter levels yet another allegation at him during an interview ,the celeb moons the reporter. Nice re'butt'al , eh?

12) A puma likes to talk very softly & lovingly. I guess that's why a puma is also called a coogar.

13) This chef is very eccentric & crazy, y'know? Yeah, he's a kook.

14) Wiley Publishing is coming out with a book on ventriloquism. It's targeted at beginners. The book is going to be called "Ventriloquism for dummies"

15) Researchers have said that African men have the largest penises. They also say that Caucasians come second & Asians the last. I say that this is a phallacy.

16) This punk is accused of copying in an exam. After a thorough inquiry , he is given a clean chit.

17) Heard about this once shapely babe who has now become fat & dumpy? Talk about going to waist.

18) Why do females go to beaches?

Answer : They love to indulge in beaching.

19) I am thinking of being a bird-seller. Yeah, I think I'll hawk hawks.

20) This monster is busy wolfing down goblins. A fellow monster passing through sees him & says ,"You sure are goblin' your food , huh?"

21) Heard about this suspicious baker? He is always doughtful of everyone.

22) Heard about Odin, the rain god & the also the king of gods? He rained supreme.

23) Heard about this brave baker? He's very doughty.

24) This brick-maker is very upset with his wife since she's cheating on him. Y'know what he wants to do?

Answer : He wants to kiln her.

25) This brick-maker is fond of his pals & relatives ,y'know? He likes to be with his kith & kiln all the time.

26) This guy hires a hitman to finish off his cheating wife. He tells the hitman ,"As soon as you see her in a lonely spot ,killer."

27) This black man threatens to release lurid & compromising photos of this actress unless she pays him a million dollars. A classic case of blackmale, eh?

28) These 2 countries are constantly warring with each other. One day ,they decide to have a dance competition instead of a war. Sure enough, the dance contest proves a smash hit & brings the people of the 2 countries together. Nothing like dancing to break down the waltz,eh?

29) I wand to be a magician.

30) This black monster with 3 heads goes to a dermatologist & says ,"I have got blackheads."

31) Heard about this group of people that loves trees? They always say ,"Willow trees."

32) This company that makes trays has reported that its profits have traybled.

33) This manufacturer of computer screens finds that their goods are being stolen from the storehouse. So they decide to monitor all storehouse activities.

34) This suitcase-maker has bagged a multi-million dollar contract.

35) This lady is unhappy with her butt because of the cellulite. She goes to a gym & asks what should be done. The trainer says," You've to exercise a lot. That is the bottom line."

36) This dullard is very depressed. So he goes about smashing all the booze bottles he can see.Why?

Answer : He wanted to hit the bottle to forget his depression.

37) This guy drowns in the sea. His pals decide to drown their sorrows in booze.

38) This guy says,"Look ,I've built a well all by myself." The people reply ,"Well done."

39) Caterpillar Inc has come out with new radical earthmovers & excavators. Those machines are truly groundbreaking.

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Now for a joke that lies in a twilight zone between a normal joke & a punny joke. Here it goes :

What does Superman say when he's about to have sex?

Answer : Up, up & away!!

Pun Intended - 23

2007-06-28T06:16:00.000-07:00

1) This film star fell from his days of glory & had no fans left. Orfanned,eh?

2) This guy wins a fishing contest. He is asked how he felt when the winners' names were about to be read out. He replies ,"I was waiting with baited breath."

3) This government introduces a controversial proposal to construct a mega dam. Following widespread protests,it waters down the plans.

4) This arrogant & tyrannical king was a pain in the ass to the people. One day ,the people decided enough was enough. What action did the people take?

Answer : They got the king throne out.

5) This temple has 10,000 steps leading to it. No wonder you end up stairing at it in awe.

6) This shapely babe has been selected to promote awareness & importance of literacy. She's going to spread the message of learning the 3 arse.

7) This contest for the most well dressed man ended in a tie.

8) This woman ,an owner of a confection company is definitely eye-candy.

9) A bald man has got lost in the forest. The rescue teams are combing through the forest for him.

10) This drapery company is struggling with losses. It's curtains for them.

11) This guy , who attacked the government with his funny writings/speeches has been clamped down upon. Gagged,eh?

12) This frog is addicted to booze ,you know? Yeah ,it drinks toaddy all the time.

13) Odin ,the rain god ,was pissed off with Loki,the trickster god. Why?

Answer : 'cos Loki would rain on his parade every now & then.

14) This writer loses his right arm & along with it,his righting career.

15) This guy named Robert is saved from drowing by the life guard. The life guard says,"I saw him bobbing on the water helplessly."

16) This sprint race for zombies ended in a dead heat.

17) This magician-turned-finance minister kept increasing taxes all the time. Why? Answer : 'cos he was good at levytation.

18) This gay man is a pervert ,y'know? Yeah, whenever he visits a urinal ,he likes to take a sneaky glans at other men's tools.

19) This babe has been signed on by Victoria's Secret to be their 'bra'nd ambassador.

20) This farmer gets trapped under bales of hay for a long time. Upon being rescued , he says , " It was a hayllish experience."

21) This lingerie company is struggling with sales because of poor management. The shareholders have decided to sack the top bras.

22) This guy gets shot in the ear. It affects his hearing so much that no matter how close he stands to you ,he's always out of earshot.

23) This female model spurned an offer from a lingerie company. She's now regretting for letting slip the deal.

24) This two dullards are having an argument. A passerby suggests that they thrash out their differences. So they begin fisticuffs.

25) This babe finds that she's drifting apart from her boyfriend. She decides to ditch him. She's thinking of the best way to intimate him of this.

26) Even if you are a below average student,it's still easy to get admissions to top colleges. All you have to do is to be very shy. Not got it? Shy = Reserved.
(This pun is India-specific unlike the others)

Some new words - 17

2007-06-26T06:13:00.000-07:00

Paydophile - A person who's got a fetish for paying for others.

Loocifer - A toilet meant for the devil.

Lackrymose - Unemotional , not given to crying.

Rompant - Unrestrained playing.

Stachew - An edible statue.

Reinterpreting words - 16

2007-06-26T06:06:00.000-07:00

Current - To hire a low quality dog.

Silicon - A stupid conman.

Lambast - To scold a lamb.

Plaintiff - A boring & a petty quarrel.

Bugger - A bug that's fond of sodomising.

Impend - An imp's death.

Pun Intended - 22

2007-06-26T04:58:00.000-07:00

1) This surgeon charges exorbitantly for an amputation. He charges an arm & a leg.

2) How do you attack a prostitute?

Answer : You hook her.

3) This software company is struggling to meet the deadline to come out with a new word processor. In an attempt to speed up the development ,the company has adopted a caret and stick approach.

4) This hotshot director, a hard taskmaster demanded repeated takes in his quest for perfection. His film's main actor dropped out of the film. Why?

Answer : 'cos he couldn't take it anymore.

5) This fashion designer comes up with a new transparent dress. The fashion critics dismiss it as sheer nonsense.

6) How did this maker of marble tiles react after his company went bankrupt?

Answer : He lost his marbles.

7) This maker of silicon implants for breasts has gone bust.

8) This geologist eats ,drinks & sleeps rocks all the time. He's got rocks in his head.

9) Hugh Hefner's Playboy approached this prudish beautiful woman with an offer of 1 million dollars to pose topless for them. How did she react?

Answer : She blew her top.

10) This golfer is suspicious about his girlfriend's fidelity. So he always keeps an eagle eye on her.

11) This rich guy , a staunch vegetarian, had a sizeable percentage of shares of a food company. When the company decided to introduce steak ,he decided to protest. How?

Answer : By offloading his steak in the company.

12) This doctor managed to make a successful transition to being a politician. Guess why?

Answer : 'cos he was an expert in taking the pulse of the people.

13) This towel making company is into deep losses. They are thinking of throwing in the towel.

14) If I am given an overripe banana I will go bananas.

15) Sign outside a very popular public toilet : Mind your Pees & Queues.

16) This farmer grows the best beetroots on this earth. No one can beet him.

17) I have heard there's a beautiful young woman working in the bank. I think I'll cheque her out.

18) This guy is wanted by the police for issuing dud cheques. When they nab him ,they say,"You are chequemated."

19) Heard about this hot babe, a fashion designer? Well,many men have designs on her.

20) This farmer provides the most luscious hay for his cows. The cows think that the place is hayvenly.

21) The barber tried his hand at golfing. He couldn't make the cut in any tournament.

22) This girl just enters puberty. Obviously confused by the changes, she asks her mum whether anything is wrong with her. Her mum replies,"You are perfectly alright. Period."

23) This stock broker has a fetish of stealthily following babes. Yeah,he is a born stocker.

24) This textile mill is struggling with heavy losses. Its demise looms large.

25) Last Friday was miserable. The hot & humid climate was compounded by a power cut. That day turned out to be Fryday.

26) I am simply bored of being envious of others. Guess it's envy ennui.

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2 more jokes,nothing to do with puns,but here because of lack of numbers to justify their own thread :

1) I am byslexic.

2) I am a firm believer of the give-&-take policy. You give me something nice & I'll take it.

Some new words - 16

2007-06-25T07:59:00.000-07:00

Ozprey - A hawk that feeds on Australians.

Weedeo - A very short video.

Reinterpreting words - 15

2007-06-25T07:49:00.000-07:00

Shar Pei - An extremely intelligent dog breed.

Protests - Very supportive of tests.

Mushroom - A room meant for getting sweet & sentimental.

Splash - To disturb placid waters with a whip.

Mementos - Mints kept as souvenirs.

Capable - The quality of something allowing an upper limit to be put on it.

Pun Intended - 21

2007-06-25T07:00:00.000-07:00

1) This naughty cow was arrested by the police. However ,her owner,a farmer ,baled her out.

2) The tracks of the railways were found to be of poor quality,leading to frequent bumps. No wonder that everyone's railing against the railways.

3) This dog is blessed with great stamina. He's capable of digging a 6 feet pit without a pawse.

4) This painter is blessed with good health. You could say he's hale & arty.

5) This guy believes that drinking ale is the way to being ale & hearty.

6) These two guys are constantly bickering over who can draw a better square. Last heard, they were getting ready to square off to settle this issue.

7) This Oriental man has recently relocated to the big bad West. He is finding the alien culture of the West quite disorienting.

8) This particular fish is prone to complaining. Why?

Answer : 'cos the fish is a carp!

9) What words does a man use when he wants to say goodbye after a one-night stand?

Answer : Schlong. (So long...geddit?)

10) Dow Jones is coming out with a new indicator for world peace. The new indicator is going to be based on the 30 most peaceful countries. It is going to be called the "Dove Jones".

11) This teenager gets fined by a cop for rash driving. The teenager arrives home visibly shaken. His mom notices this & asks him if he's okay. Not wanting her to know the truth,the teenager says ,"I'm fine."

12) This moneylender likes solitude ,y'know? Yeah,he's a loaner.

13) This babe has a stylish way of getting angry. You could say she's got a flare for getting angry.

14) Each of these 2 hot-tempered guys claim that he can spit the farthest. As I say this,they are having a spat.

15) This baby deer likes to fawn on everybody .

16) This Japanese guy has a yen for becoming rich.

17) This rich young woman is quite a good-lucre.

18) This guy ,who is suffering from erectile dysfunction, always makes excuses when his g.f demands sex. His standard excuse is ,"I'm very tired. I don't feel up to it."

19) This cricketer is fond of smoking marijuana on the eve of important matches. This affects his fielding very badly. Can you guess in what way?

Answer : It makes him grass catches.

Pun Intended - 20

2007-06-24T00:12:00.000-07:00

1) Whenever a thief burgles a home, he always drives apart the couple that stays in that home. Why?

Answer : 'cos a thief is a home-breaker!

2) Ford ,the car maker from USA , has launched the most expensive car in the world. The damn thing is unaf'ford'able.

3) Heard about this bad film about chickens? Well, it laid an egg at the box-office.

4) I have got the hots for this beautiful female lawyer. I think I will court her.

5) Everybody's complaining that I use too many expletives. I swear I'll kick this bad habit.

6) This weather-man got a book about rain. He's pouring over the book.

7) This baker has started a charity. He's asking for doughnations.

8) Dow Jones is coming out with a new indicator of stock market prices ; based on the share value prices of the 30 top bakeries. The new indicator is to be called "Dough Jones".

9) Heard about this guy's peculiar illness of getting weak on every Friday,Saturday & Sunday? Guess you can say that he's weakened every weekend.

10) This particular period in the past had everyone having pimples willingly. Know why?

Answer : It was the Zitgeist.

11) This dullard didn't get the joke about a fat guy. I guess you could say the dullard missed the paunchline.

12) Heard about this guy who is fond of drinking gallons of ale? Well, he's fallen sick from drinking that vile stuff. You could say he's aleing.

Reinterpreting words - 14

2007-06-24T00:02:00.000-07:00

Incessant - Seemingly endless taxes.

Treaty - The person who's being given a treat.

Ireland - A country of angry people.

Conundrum - A drum that is very difficult to play.

Bumpkin - To collide with a relative.

Psychopath - The way to being a person with an antisocial personality.

Hubcap - The cap of most interest.

Retired - To get tired again.

Plywood - To use wood.

Erupt - To lose temper on the internet.

Century - A dollar.

Pineapple - To intensely long to eat apples.

Some new words - 15

2007-06-23T23:41:00.000-07:00

Emboozzle - To steal whisky that someone has entrusted to you.

Pillfer - To steal medicinal pills.

Griefon - A sorrowful winged monster with an eagle-like head and body of a lion.

Condour - An unfriendly large bird.

Zerro - A flop Zorro.

Beesieged - To be surrounded by bees.

Samartian - A helpful Martian.

Currupt - To further ruin an already inferior dog.

Pollytic - Habitual twitching of a parrot.

Pollitic - The nervous twitching experienced by scumbag politicans at the time of elections.

Porkupine - To intensely long to eat pork.

Pun Intended - 19

2007-06-22T22:45:00.000-07:00

1) This guy was suffering from a severe itching problem for several years. It didn't allow him to do anything worthwhile in life. The day he got cured ,he found out that he had to begin from scratch.

2) There are rumours that this whisky making company is going to sell off its business. The CEO of the company has scotched the rumours.

3) This guy is a champion at playing peekaboo. He says ,"You should be in top form only at the time of the competitions. It's all about peeking at the right time."

4) Heard about this couple who were caught having sex in the office loo? Well,they've been laid off.

5) This seminar about breaking into houses is going on. Those attending are latching on to every word spoken by the master thieves.

6) This mobile phone company is making profits as its cells have zoomed up.

7) This company that is into stem cell research & related therapy has its profit hit by a government bill that places severe restrictions. The company says the all the bill has managed to do is to stem their cells.

8) Heard about this discourteous magician? Everyone feels sleighted by him.

9) This cricket coach is desperately hunting for people who cry at the drop of a hat. Y'see ,he wants a good bawler.

10) This writer ,who writes with a pen instead of typing , has a nasty fall while having sex in the bathroom. His dick bears the brunt of the fall. He goes to a doctor who examines him & says that he will never be able to write again in his life. Why?

Answer : 'cos the writer suffered a 'pen'ile fracture.

11) The only roles this babe gets is that of a damsel in distress in horror films. All she has to do is run like mad & scream "Eek!! Eek!!" She gets paid a lot for this. Not a bad way to eek out a living,huh?

12) Heard about this female grizzly who is totally bewildered as to where her expensive rings are? She has lost her bearings.

13) This director is making a film about animals. He wants a duck with an exquisite beak. After a long drawn hunt for ducks, he settled on this particular duck. The director says the chosen duck fits the bill perfectly.

14) This duck is wary whenever someone says ,"I'll foot the bill." Why?

Answer : 'cos he thinks this means his beak is going to be kicked.

15) This potato wants to be alert all the time. So it takes of its skin. Why?

Answer : It wants to keep its eyes peeled!

Reinterpreting words - 13

2007-06-22T22:30:00.000-07:00

Disgruntle - To quieten down a noisy pig.

Real McCoy - Genuinely shy.

Deadlock - A lock that is longer of any use.

Flagellate - To beat & stomp a flag.

Boost - To raise the level of booing.

Buffer - A person who makes others naked.

Biscuit - A short comical drama performed by bees.

Consummate - The act of a female eating its male partner after mating i.e sexual cannibalism (Think black widow,praying mantis)

Some new words - 14

2007-06-22T22:04:00.000-07:00

Funereal - Genuine fun.

Peegeon - A pigeon suffering from urine incontinence.

Peecasso - A famous artist who paints while taking a piss.

Scrotinise - Examine a man's testicles.

Googgles - A carefully searched pair of sunglasses.

Copee - To imitate someone's style of taking a piss.

Unick - A one-of-its-kind cut.

Moteevation - The motivation to play golf.

Candy Flaws - A defectively made candy floss.

Eekcentric - An oddball who makes others go "Eek!!".

Sascotch - A whisky-loving Bigfoot.

Pun Intended - 18

2007-06-22T06:38:00.000-07:00

1) Heard about this champion archer? He makes his opponents bow to him.

2) Heard about this babe who loved dots to an extreme extent? You could say she 'dot'ed on dots.

3) This little kid demanded a tent from his parents. When they said no,he threw a tentrum.

4) What happens a Hispanic man is interrogated?

Answer : He spills the beans.

5) Heard about this lazy firefighter? Well ,he's been fired recently.

6) This guy who was fond of riddles ,got into the underworld's bad books. The underworld riddled his body with bullets.

7) Heard about this guy who has made a lot of money from selling vacuum cleaners? Well, he's certainly achieved a lot of suckcess.

8) This guy goes to a doctor & says he's worried about his urine incontinence problem. The doctor dismisses it as a peeffling problem.

9) This underworld don was often criticised for his bad fashion sense. It was a long time before it 'dawn'ed on him that he had to don better clothes.

10) This legless man's friends are unwilling in taking him to restaurants along with them. Why?

Answer : 'cos he never foots the bill.

11) This guy was diagnosed with a major shitting problem. He was 'shat'tered.

12) Heard about this male deer who never believes in trends? Talk about bucking the trend.

13) Heard about this bodybuilder who had a perfect mesomorphic body? Well,down the line, he lost interest in pumping iron & went to waste. His body is now a messomorphic body.

14) This chef ,who is the creator of a prized leek soup is very upset. Why?

Answer : 'cos his secret recipe has been leeked.

15) This ugly woman went to a cosmetic surgeon & got herself a brand new face. She then said it was the beginning of a new face in her life.

16) This powerfully built basketball player turned to being a club bouncer after his retirement from the game. Guess he was addicted to bouncing.

17) This rich guy who's in the business of manufacturing vests is fed up of babes having vested interests in him.

18) How do you attack a juggler?
Answer : You go for the juggler.

19) This plumber had a real talent for tap dancing.

20) I have it in me to be the world's best plumber. I just have to tap my potential.

21) This hot-tempered scrap dealer was dumped by his g.f. Why?

Answer : 'cos he would get into a scrap every now & then.

22) This guy is increasingly vexed by this horse who refuses to let him mount it. Talk about mounting frustrations.

Some new words - 13

2007-06-22T06:28:00.000-07:00

Cavaleer - To look at lustfully in a devil-may-care way.

Impairfect - A couple not meant for each other.

Lasscivious - A babe who arouses lust in men.

Tollerate - To put up with an unjust tax.

Tarzen - A Tarzan who's fond of meditation.

Shagacious - Having acute insight about masturbation.

Knitwit - A stupid person who doesn't know knitting.

Reinterpreting words - 12

2007-06-22T05:55:00.000-07:00

Morbid - To increase the bid in an auction.

Petrified - Scared of pets.

Success - A tax levied on achievements.

IMmersed - Engrossed in online chatting.

Impair - A couple of small demons.

Cockpit - A pit for storing bobittised dicks.

Copulate - To make a cop late for work.

Plankton - One thousand kilogrammes of sawn timber.

Leakage - To disclose someone's true age.

Loofah - A sponge used for cleaning the toilet.

Tadpole - A small pole.

Tango - Removal of tan.

Layman - A gigolo.

Parenthesis - A thesis on parents.

Parentage - A parent becoming old.

Exhaust - To host your ex.

Two-timer - Someone who has two watches.

Parched - To be deprived of pars on the golf course.

Judgemental - A crazy judge.

Pun Intended - 17

2007-06-21T06:15:00.000-07:00

1) Heard about this 'omo who was in the entertainment business? Well,he liked to regayle people.

2) What do you call it when a lot of energy generating machines are crowded together?

Answer : The machines are cheek-by-joule.

3) This seller of yachts & boats was struggling with sales. He hired a consultant to point out shortcomings & suggest improvements. It was smooth selling after that.

4) I desire a piano. I will go Chopin for it very soon.

5) The small letters & capital letters of the English alphabet are at war with each other. The court is hearing the case between the two.

6) This cop was an expert in gleening information from jokers.

7) This guy ,who's very good at geometry ,is very good at fishing also. Why?
Answer : 'cos he's a good angler!

8) A salesman employed by a toilet-making company has to have a good sales peetch.

9) This guy ,who was troubled by a farting problem for many years ,got cured very recently. He says he has got a second wind in life.

10) This short-tempered gastroenterologist's g.f ditched him. Why?
Answer : 'cos she couldn't take anymore of his bile.

11) Be careful of this sneaky joker. You never know where he's larking around.

12) This duck ,who's unhappy with his small beak ,went to a cosmetic surgeon. After the operation,the doctor demanded a lot of money as his fees. Last heard, the duck took the doctor to court for overbilling.

13) This skinny celeb is hopping mad with a tabloid for alleging that she is suffering from anorexia. She says she won't take such slender lying down.

14) This political party is very devastated by their miserable show in the elections. A poll of gloom hangs over their headquarters.

15) This babe was harassed by lewd text messages sent by a guy. She dragged him to court for textual harassment.

16) This cricket team relies on its doctor for its success. Why?
Answer : 'cos he doctors the pitch on the eve of a match.

Some new words - 12

2007-06-21T06:06:00.000-07:00

Weirdana - A strange font.

Innitiate - To start a hotel.

Buyology - The science of buying.

Quicksotic - To have an unrealistic ambition of achieving a very high speed.

Roastrum - An elevated platform for speaking ,that is too hot.

Misojeanist - One who hates jeans.

Paltree - A worthless tree.

Phantome - A ghostwritten large book.

Simpathise - To pity someone who's struggling with playing Sim City.

Reinterpreting words - 11

2007-06-21T05:54:00.000-07:00

Demotion - To bring to a halt.

Idiosyncrasy - Naughty things performed in unison by idiots.

Debar - To prevent from going anywhere near a counter where alcoholic drinks are served.

Ragamuffin - A sloppily made muffin.

Tomahawk - A love-child of a male cat & a female hawk.

Teepee - A strange concoction made from tea & urine ,drunk by American Red Indians.

Antelope - An ant that runs away with its lover.

Surrogate - A makeshift gate.

Pun Intended - 16

2007-06-21T00:30:00.002-07:00

1) This serial that mocked at the people of USA was yanked off the air ,following protests.

2) Heard about this frustrated pig? You could say it was 'ham'strung.

3) These male pigs found the cute female pig very baconing.

4) Heard about this pig in the film industry? It hams a lot.

5) The devil visited the offices of Boeing & Airbus recently. Y'see ,he wants to buy a hellicopter.

6) This baker-cum-pizzaman had a flourishing business.

7) This flooring company has a floorishing business.

8) Heard about this lion who has opened a shop? He's doing a roaring trade.

9) This guy goes to a shrink & says ,“I've got a problem of being with my friends all the time. I just can't seem to pull on without having friends by my side all the time.” The shrink replied ,“You have a cronyc problem.”

10) What was Caesar's least favourite drink?
Answer : Brut.

11) If Brutus had a twin,what'd have been Caesar's last words?
Answer : Et two ,Brutus?

12) This lover of trees made a big mistake when he cut down some trees to make room for his new house.Roundly criticised ,he had no option but to green & bear it.

13) What do well built male bees play?
Answer : Rugbee.

14) Heard about this serious undertaker? He always speaks gravely.

15) Heard about this farmer who's into pears? Well,his pears are the best. No one else comes close to matching him. You could say he's pearless.

16) This guy had a peculiar problem of forgetting things that happened in the month of May. Guess he had a bad maymory.

17) Heard about this forgetful woman who also has one of her breasts misshapen? You could say she has a bad mammary.

18) I found some plane journeys exceedingly dull. I couldn't put a finger to it until one day , after another dull journey ,I happened to see that “Boeing” was painted on the plane.

19) Heard about this violent guy who's also a party animal? Well,every night ,he goes clubbing.

20) This maize farmer was a whiz at solving mazes.

21) This maize farmer tried his hand at being a joker. He failed. Why?

Answer : 'cos people found his jokes corny.

22) Microsoft is coming out with a new operating system targetted at babies & young children to prepare them to use more complex operating systems at a later stage. This new o.s is going to be named “Weandows”.

23) Heard about this Japanese lesbian who's also a good singer & a good dancer? Well,she wants to become a gaysha girl.

24) This guy had wild ambitions of becoming the world's best plumber. His mates said it was a pipe-dream.

25) Heard about this guy who has the special ability to go about without making any noise? Well,he's quiet good at it.

26) Heard about this dwarf whose foresight is good? Well ,he's a weesionary.

27) This man went nuts after being castrated.

28) Heard about this beer loving thief? He'd go around 'mug'ging people.

29) It's best not to have a beef with a powerfully built bull.

30) Heard about this guy who owns an albino elephant with a gargantuan appetite? Well,he says it's tough to maintain a white elephant.

Some new words - 11

2007-06-21T00:30:00.001-07:00

Fashun - To give the finger to the latest style of clothes.

Fox pas - A social blunder made by a fox.

Jeanie - A denim-clad genie.

Victoriknox - A multi-purpose Fort Knox i.e capable of storing gold,silver ,platinum etc.

Assoteric - The secrets of a shapely butt being confined only to a select group of people.

Pun Intended - 15

2007-06-21T00:28:00.000-07:00

1) This famous advertising agency functioned in an ad hoc manner.

2) Heard about this beer loving baseball player? He's a good pitcher.

3) I am thinking of coming out with a strange,wacky tasting beer. I am going to name it “Beerd”.

4) This babe is known for talking rudely with everyone. She's called “Diss-miss”.

5) The rock band named “Ghosts” had a sell-out concert. It was a spooktacular success.

6) This ghost couldn't see clearly. Y'see ,it had misplaced its spooktacles.

7) These zombies play football a lot. They often end up being dead tired.

8) Heard about this snobbish giraffe? It looks down upon everyone.

9) This guy has a compulsive habit of stealing everything & anything made out of clay. Guess he's a clayptomaniac.

10) This guy has a talent for playing the piano while taking a piss.He's a peeanist.

11) The council of gods criticised Apollo ,the Sun god,for beating down a bit too harshly on the earth. He Apollogised for his mistake.

12) This gigolo ,who serviced gay men,fell ill on the occassion of servicing a customer. So he called his fellow gigolo & gave him detailed directions to the customer's house ,told him how much money to charge & many other instructions. He ended the conversation with ,“So do my job,ok?”

13) This powerfully built man liked to drink stout in the pub.

Pun Intended - 14

2007-06-21T00:26:00.000-07:00

1) This guy who was fond of fast-paced sports played golf for the first time. He found golf too teedious.

2) The army placed a multi-billion dollar order for sten-guns from a shady arms dealer. The arms dealer took the money & sent nothing. The army was stenned by this.

3) I love bulls very much. I am thinking of having an ambullance to treat injured bulls.

4) The coffee industry ,the tea industry & the alcohol industry were at loggerheads with each other. It was a brewtal war out there.

5) This little boy finally learnt to add numbers. He was so happy that he did sumersaults.

6) I have a strong liking for puns. You could say I have a punchant for them.

7) This violent man had a punchant for getting into fights.

8) This punster had a nasty fall while having sex in the bathroom. His head & dick bore the brunt of the fall. The doctor said he could never have sex again because of penile fracture. If this wasn't bad enough,the doc also said that he could never make puns again because of punile fracture.

9) This beer-swigging golfer says beer makes him a better golfer. He says that beer makes him to make more beerdies on the golf course.

10) The auditors were scrutinizing the finances of this advertising agency. They smelt a rat & said that the numbers don't ad up.

11) This flea was very wasteful & reckless. His mates said he was profleagate.

12) This guy is having a problem of lacking confidence to speak. The shrink has diagnosed him as suffering from insaycurity.

13) This fat lady was unhappy with her butt. After months of exercise,she became shapely. The physical change was asstounding.

14) This newspaper baron's wife complained that he wasn't giving her enough attention. He replied, “Dear,I've other 'press'ing matters to attend to.”

15) Heard about this corrupt guy with low morals? He recently lost his buttocks in an accident. Guess ,he's truly become debased.

16) This punster made puns only about loos & pissing. He ended up being too repeetitive.

17) This grizzly made a big boo-boo & was roundly laughed at by fellow grizzlies. He had no option but to grin & bear it.

18) This female grizzly was depressed. Know why?
Answer : 'cos she couldn't bear a baby.

Pun Intended - 13

2007-06-21T00:24:00.000-07:00

1) This conwoman with big boobs was on the run from the law. One day,the cops managed to nab her. They remarked ,"You're busted."

2) This alcoholic was not only sozzled to the gillsbut also high on drugs & was walking unsteadily. He lost his balance & hit his head on a stone. He sure was stoned,huh?

3) This wannabe pilot struggled with his flying lessons. After many months of trying to teach him to fly properly,the flight instructor threw his hands up in exasperation & said,"You don't have it inside you to be a pilot. That's the plane truth."

4) This god-fearing man had a peculiar habit of sometimes saying two words without a pause between them. When asked whether he was an atheist ,he replied ,"No,I'm atheist."

5) Thisguy wearing shoes with spikes was attacked by a few thugs. He kicked them using his shoes to maximum effect & they took to their feet. He sure shoed them away,what say?

6) This farmer was in the business of growing pears. However ,he was rankled by the fact that his colleagues always had a better quality yield. He could never surpass his fellow farmers in either quantity or quality. Saddened by this,he committed suicide as he couldn't bear the pear-pressure.

7) These country bumpkins were obsessed with eating egg-yolk. I guess you could call them yolkels.

8) This fat grizzly committed suicide as he couldn't bear the taunts from his fellow-bears.

9) This female grizzly was very shy when having sex for the first time. She couldn't bring herself to bear all.

10) On the eve of a performance,this guitarist was nervous to find that the strings of his guitar were tightened too much. His performance was affected very badly as he was highly-strung.

11) The principal scolded this boy for being late to school. The boy replied that he was late because he had to help a crippled woman cross the road. The principal dismissed it saying ,"Don't give lame excuses."

12) This guy had the misfortune of a sumo-wrestler falling on him. It proved "fat"al for him.

13) This guy & his g.f both were make-up artistes working in the film industry. They often had lovers' tiffs. However,they would always kiss & make up after a tiff.

14) This kinky guy was fond of shagging while rowing his boat in the lake. He said he got the best oargasms by doing this.

15) This bee was criticised by his community for being too lazy. The bee committed suicide after hearing the criticims as he felt beelittled.

16) This bee had lots of aspirations. Very ambeetious,wasn't it?

17) Heard about this Shakespeare-loving bee who was often pondering over the meaning of life?Well he'd often go ,"To bee or not to bee ,that is the question."

18) This curvy babe had an apiary of her own. The honeybees were very friendly with her. She always went to the beach without wearing anything. Why?

Answer : 'cos the honeybees would cover her body strategically to make a beekini.

19) Heard about this rich laundryman who got divorced recently? Well,his wife took him to the cleaners.

20) Heard about this guy who fell into a huge vat of grease? He thrashed & writhed for a long time before dying in a horrible way. Poor guy had a greasely death.

21) Heard about this laundryman who passed off money got from drug-dealing as legitimate? He had a real thing for money-laundering.

22) Dow Jones is coming out with a new method of measuring the stock market's performance, based on the share values of 30 top toilet-making companies. The new indicator is going to be called Dow Johns.

23) Donald Duck has bought NASDAQ. It's going to be renamed as NASDUCK.

24) This dwarf went to an astrologer & asked what his future was. The astrologer replied,"You will be a stunt-man & will achieve great heights in this."

25) I beat Mike Tyson at boxing. Yep,there's no one who can fold cardboard better than me.

26) This young man was being criticised by his family members for not wanting to join the box-making family business. The chap replied ,"Oh,c'mon ,let me go in for a new venture. Dare to think out of the box."

27) This guy was totally smitten by this top female golfer. You could say he was "putt"y in her hands.

28) This guy's wife complained to him that there was some problem in the plumbing system & the water flow was erratic. Instead of calling a plumber ,the guy bought an iron. His baffled wife asked him,"What the fuck?" He replied,"Haven't you heard of ironing out the flows?"

29) This never-say-die guy repeatedly tried his hand at winning a triathlon. He never won. However ,in recognition of his spirit ,he was awarded the "Tryathlon" trophy.

30) Scientists have discovered a new planet with many pits filled with venomous snakes like Kraits,cobras etc. Guess the planet has plenty of Kraiters ,huh?

31) This not-too-intelligent couple were purists when it came to ball-dancing. Yeah,whenever they had to do a ball-dance ,they would wear very loose clothes & no underwear.

32) Heard about this miser who loved to pinch women's bottoms with coins instead of his fingers? I guess you could call him a penny pincher.

33) This boy had a very weak memory. A day after he was taught about circles & chords in geometry class,his sieve-like brain undid all that he learnt. The teacher took the pain of going through the topic again & the boy began to slowly remember the previous day's stuff. Suddenly he exclaimed ,"Hey ,now it strikes a chord!"

34) Charles Schulz was once very pissed off with the poor pay & threatened to stop making cartoon strips. He said he couldn't continue if he was paid Peanuts.

35) Heard about this babe who was pissed off with her body-building obsessed boyfriend. Last heard,they were trying to work out the problems in their relationship.

36) This hotshot film director was fishing,when some important reels of his latest film fell into the water. He used the fishing rod to reel in the reels.

37) Where in England do all stupid people stay? Answer : Dorkester.

38) This thief who would alwayswear tattered clothes was fleet-footed. Whenever the cops chased him,he ran them ragged.

Pun Intended - 12

2007-06-21T00:22:00.000-07:00

1) This daredevil wanted to climb Mount Everest. His parents were against it,but after a long-drawn argument ,they gave their ascent

. 2) This babe got fed up with her boyfriend's obsession with prunes. She decided to prune him from her life.

3) The government had made a proposal to construct a mega-dam to solve the water problem. However,pro-environment lobbies protested this saying that the environment would be screwed. On the other hand,without a dam,no water for people. Dammed if they do,dammed if they don't ,eh?

4) This weather-man had no idea weather his g.f would accept his marriage proposal.

5) This film about fried foods was panned by critics.

6) Heard about this basketball player who is suffering from urine incontinence? Guess this means that he's dribbling both on the court & off the court.

7) This carpenter dabbled in painting cars. He found it so profitable that he decided to become a full-time carpainter.

8) This garbage-collector asked this babe to marry him. She refused.

9) This babe started out as an occassional call-girl to make easy money. Soon she found the money to hard to resist & became a full-time prostitute. Hard to get out once you are sucked into the whoretex,huh?

10) This clown was dismissed from the circus. He cried that injestice had been done to him.

11) Loki,the trickster god became the cynosure of all eyes. Thor,the god of thunder,who was popular until then, was pissed off by this.Why?
Answer : 'cos Loki stole his thunder.

Pun Intended - 11

2007-06-21T00:21:00.000-07:00

1) This singer lost his car-keys before a performance.So worried did he get about it,that his singing was off-key.

2) This flock of sheep were about to be sheared for their wool. One of the sheep said ,“We feel so woolnerable. It's shear injustice.”

3) The CEO of Gillete narrowly escaped death in an accident. A case of a close shave,eh?

4) This cook who's an expert in fried dishes has changed jobs & joined the fire-fighting forces. A case of “out of the frying pan ,into the fire”,eh?

5) This cook took part in a competition for the best fried food. When asked how he felt about his chances,he replied ,“Well,things should pan out for the better.”

6) I have made a documentary about orgasms. It's coming soon on TV.

7) I was handed the prestigious responsibility of making a blue film. But the movie turned out to be very shoddy. Guess I blue it.

8) This babe was fed up of her boyfriend,a southpaw. He was obsessed with getting all left-handed things,like left-handed knobs,left-handed screw-drivers,left-handed taps,so on. When his obsession crossed all barriers of tolerance,she left him.

9) This farmer had a bumper crop of maize. He termed the output amaizeing.

10) This guy who works for Intel also works as a bus-conductor on weekends. You could say he's a semi-conductor.

11) There are 2 types of men in the world. Those who can give a cunnilingus & those who cun't.

12) This knight had very bad dreams every now & then. Guess he was disturbed by his knightmares.

13) There are too many noisy bats in my area. They're driving me batty.

14) Heard about this light-hearted 'omo? You could say he was gay all the time.

15) This jockey had a very bad outing in the race. You could say it was a neightmare for him.

16) Heard about this artist who painted only in black & white? Well ,his g.f has dumped him recently. No wonder that he's been feeling off-colour of late.

17) Heard about this bomb-defusing expert who charged exorbitantly for his services? You could say he charged a bomb.

18) This fence-maker was famed for criticising & taunting all the time. Know why his g.f dumped him?
Answer: 'cos she couldn't take anymore of his barbs.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, this joke isn't a pun,but here we go anyway :
What's the difference between a curvaceous ,hour-glass shaped woman & a fat ,dumpy lady?
Answer: The former takes birth-control pills while the latter takes girth-control pills.

Pun Intended - 10

2007-06-21T00:20:00.000-07:00

1) This guy is suffering from erectile dysfunction. Even then ,he goes ahead & marries. Come honeymoon night,the bride finds out that he can't get it up. So she says, “I'm sorry , but this is reason enough for me to divorce you. I hope you understand & don't get angry.” The guy replies ,“I understand what you feel. It's ok. No hard feelings.”

2) This hitman made a lot of money by charging exorbitantly for his services. You could say he made a killing on every mission.

3) This young writer is thinking of writing a series of books using leet speak like “b4” , “gr8”, so on. You could say he is evolving a new genre of leeterature.

4) This guy is fond of giving a tongue-lashing to everyone & everything all the time. However he is rankled by the fact that his girlfriend never allows him to give her a cunnilingus. Guess why?

Answer : 'cos she is afraid of getting the rough side of his tongue.

5) Heard about this gay cricketer? Well,he tampered the pitch on the eve of an important match. You could say he queered the opposing team's pitch.

Pun Intended - 9

2007-06-21T00:14:00.000-07:00

1) Do you know that Dracula is very bad at math? Well, he can't Count.

2) What's the difference between a straight man & a gay man?

Answer : A straight man plays Call Of Duty while a gay man plays Doll Of Cutie.

3) This blood bank was struggling with financial losses. At the end of the financial year, the CEO of the blood bank remarked ,"I'm afraid we're in the red."

4)We know that call-centres place immense strain on the employees what with money being docked for wrong pronounciations,bad grammar,toilet breaks & what not. Perhaps they should be called cull-centres.

5) This banana walks into an ice-cream parlour & asks the vendor to tell him a few jokes. On hearing the jokes,the banana ends up being in splits.

6) Michelle Wie finally managed to have a par on all the 18 holes. Her caddie remarked ,"Good parformance ,Miss."

7) This guy was hired by a restaurant to peel potatoes,onions etc. He bungled up the job very badly. They threatened to fire him. He appeeled them to give him more time to pick up.

8) This conservative man had an issue with his daughter wearing very tiny skirts. Whenever he raised this topic, his daughter would use all her skills to skirt the issue.

9) This guy wanted to learn how to drift a car. After many lessons,he managed to get the drift of drifting.

10) This couple ,both computer engineers,can't get going in bed. Guess why?
Answer: 'cos the man's hardware & the woman's software are incompatible.

11) This guy ,a stock-broker ,would often work late into the nights. Whenever his wife called him up to enquire about his whereabouts,"I'm working" would be his stock reply.

12) This jazz-player lost a jazz competition. He cried foul & said that injazztice had been done to him.

13) So what if you're childless? Don't make an issue of it.

14) This transvestite parade was incredibly long drawn out & boring. You could say it was a drag.

15) When Achilles was a child,he was a bundle of mischief. His worried parents asked the school principal to do something about it. The principal replied ,Don't worry,I'll bring him to heel.

16) This company is into making sanitaryware i.e toilets/crappers, is going great guns. You could say they're flush with funds.

17) This guy got the job of a hangman. However ,since he was a newbie ,the outgoing hangman taught him the ropes of hanging. After a few rigorous sessions,the newbie got the hang of it.

18) This girl,saved in the nick of time from being raped,was traumatised. She asked her pal whether she knew of any website that offered online counselling/therapy. The pal replied ,"www.therapist.com".

19) Orgasms are near-death experiences. Don't people scream ,“Oh my god,I'm coming” when having the big O?

20) The fares of buses,trains,taxis were increased. People took to the streets saying the hike in fares was unfare.

21) This doctor is in the business of spaying humans. His operation theatre has a digital display above the door. When a spaying operation is going on ,the display shows The doctor is spaying the patient. When the operation concludes, the display shows The patient is paying the doctor.

22) During WW2, the leader of the British forces was telling his soldiers ,“Use your brain to defeat the enemy. Your brain is a powerful weapon.” A soldier asked the leader, “But Sir,what do I do when I'm encircled by a dozen enemy soldiers?” The leader replied "Use your Bren."

23) This married man started a fling with another woman. Turned out that the mistress was a nymphomaniac. After some days of this affair the man called off the fling. When asked why,he replied he couldn't keep up with her in the bed.

Reinterpreting words - 10

2007-06-21T00:12:00.000-07:00

Thwarted - To be prevented from looking beautiful/handsome by warts.

Unsound - Mute.

Brabus - A German company that specializes in the fine-tuning, adjusting, modifying & enhancing of bras.

Paradox - A bull that contradicts itself.

Oxymoron - A stupid bull.

Igloo - A toilet made out of ice blocks.

Mango - A male moves.

Quota - The stipulated amout of quotes that you are allowed to use.

Victorinox - A multi-purpose ox.

Supervision - Fantastic eyesight.

Equip - To make a witty remark online.

Dingo - A dog that quietens down everyone.

Caucasian - A fair-skinned Asian.

Errand - Badly printed South African currency.

Lasso - To catch a beautiful young woman with a rope.

Erotic - The habitual spasmodic contraction of the face when aroused sexually.

License - The permission to convey false information.

Tangent - A brown male.

Nonplussed - Severely lacking in the ability to add numbers.

Some new words - 10

2007-06-21T00:11:00.001-07:00

Dollmatian - A white doll with black spots on it.

Deadicated - Devoted to the memory of the dead.

Wee-Weesa - The permission to go to the toilet to take a leak.

Homogenius - A gay person with an IQ above 140. (Think Leonardo da Vinci)

Canvassanova - To solicit votes for a womaniser OR To carefully scrutinize the life of a womaniser.

Cereberalus - A three-headed dog that protects our intelligence.

Pun Intended - 8

2007-06-21T00:10:00.000-07:00

1) This cobbler was the sole earning member of his family.

2) Heard about this guy who made money by communicating with the spirits of the departed ones? He was the soul earning member of his family.

3) This transvestite was pretty pissed off. You could say he was “cross”.

4) This architect was obsessed with doing things the easiest & the cheapest way. So much so that he made all his rooms circular in shape. Know why?
Answer : 'cos he believed in cutting corners.

5) This gay man was fearful of revealing his sexuality to the world. One day ,he got trapped inside a closet. They had a tough time making him come out of the closet.

6) This tailor lost his shop in a fire. Last heard,he was picking up the threads of life.

7) Count Dracula visited Spain recently. He learnt to do the fangdango.

8) This really tall cop with really long arms managed to nab a wanted guy. On catching the fugitive, the cop remarked, “The long arm of the law got you.”

9) This woman remembered that it was one year since she & her poet boyfriend met each other. She smsed him “Happy Anni-verse-ary”.

10) This man goes to a venture capitalist with the proposal to set up a factory manufacturing perfumes meant only for the rich. The VC rejected him saying that his business plan made no scents.

11) This billionaire could never be clean despite all his efforts. Know why?
Answer : 'cos he was filthy rich.

12) This hunchback had a very good intuition. He rarely went wrong with his predictions. You could say he had a thing for having a good hunch.

13) Why are earthquake-prone areas the places to have sex?
Answer : 'cos you always get earth-shaking orgasms there.

Pun Intended - 7

2007-06-21T00:09:00.000-07:00

1) This family-oriented deer loved to be with its near & deer ones.

2) I am really angry with this smart-ass skeleton for mocking at me. I have a bone to pick with it.

3) This couple were making out in a well-lit room,when the electricity supply went kaput. They ended up groping in the dark.

4) Count Dracula visited China recently. He has learnt Fang Shui.

5) This guy would never actually kiss his g.f ,but would just blow kisses. One day,the g.f gave him an ultimatum to kiss her for real. The nervous guy ended up botching the kiss. The g.f said “You blew the kiss.”

6) I am really fed up with this particular advertisement as it has been aired “ad” nauseam on TV.

7) This drunk guy was driving his car rashly & ran over a pedestrian. In trying to escape from the scene of accident,he rammed his car into a tree & was killed on the spot. Instant “carma” ,eh?

8) This fat guy didn't buy the new weight-reduction pill in the market. He decided to adopt a weight-and-watch approach before deciding to buy the pill.

Reinterpreting words - 9

2007-06-21T00:08:00.002-07:00

Reminiscent - A scent that reminds you of something familiar.

Margin - To spoil a gin.

Womaniser - A doctor who performs sex-change operations to transform men into women.

Debrief - To remove your brief.

Some new words - 9

2007-06-21T00:08:00.001-07:00

Tauntology - Usage of 2 insults of similar meaning.

Oddour - A weird smell.

Levyathan - An enormous tax.

Hipochondriac - Someone who's needlessly paranoid about the adipose on the hips.

Loodicrous - A hysterically funny toilet.

Picturisque - An obscene photo/painting.

Sobotage - To “outcry” someone to gain the maximum sympathy.

Pun Intended - 6

2007-06-21T00:07:00.001-07:00

1) The hare & the tortoise raced each other in a sprint. The hare won by a hare's breadth.

2) There was this particular area in a city that no writer dared step into. Why?
Answer : The area was called “Writer's Block”.

3) Heard about this god-fearing lion in the wilds of Africa?
He says his preyers before sitting down to polish off his meal.

4) This guy was hired by a zoo to look after the Komodo Dragons. However ,he was fired after a few days as they found that he was unable to “monitor” the big lizards properly.

5) This babe refused to date bakers & masseurs. Why?
Answer : 'cos she found 'em coming across as too kneady.

6) How do you discipline a naughty prince?
Answer : By beating him with a ruler.

7) This babe won the “Biggest Boobs” competition. She was asked whether she felt tense when the winners' names were being announced. She replied ,“Yeah,the last few moments were nerve-racking.”

8) Some Islamic fanatics wanted all Muslim women to be covered in a burqa. . However,instead of the usual hotheaded diktats,they issued a veiled threat to Muslim women.

9) Heard about this crazy bridge player? He never deals with a full deck.

10) Heard about this crazy basketball player? Well,he's a basket-case.

11) This guy was going through a jungle,all the time moaning how bored he was. All of a sudden, a few wild boars attacked & killed him. Boared to death ,eh?

12) This glutton lost his buttocks in an accident. Since then he's been called “The Bottomless Pit”.

13) How did this babe react when her baker boyfriend gifter her a diamond ring?
Answer : She was floured.

14) This little kid wanted a duck as a pet. Whenever he demanded the same from his parents, they would distract him with shiny toys & inane talk to duck the issue.

Some new words - 8

2007-06-21T00:05:00.002-07:00

Sexagentarian - A dirty old man.

Holywood - A place where films about religion & god are made.

Latrinse - To clean the toilet.

Acornyms - Normal looking acronyms,that when expanded give a different & silly meaning.

Domasticated - Taught to chew in a dignified manner.

Stockyng - A chubby king.

Enjeaneering - The science of making jeans.

Rabbid - A violent & fanatical Jewish spiritual leader/scholar.

Proselight - Humourous literature.

Allygator - A crocodile that's your friend.

Reinterpreting words - 8

2007-06-21T00:05:00.001-07:00

Kidnapper - Someone who's an expert in calming down noisy kids & make them sleep quietly.

Autograph - Sales chart of an automobile company.

Exterminate - To slaughter your ex.

Proselyte - To convert someone who dislikes reading , to a lover of literature.

Pimples - A peculiar type of acne suffered by pimps.

Alphabet - The most important bet.

Harpoon - A harp that's used as a weapon,by playing it very badly.

Impale - A white coloured small demon.

Division - To gouge out someone's eyes.

Pun Intended - 5

2007-06-21T00:03:00.002-07:00

1) Heard about this guy who fell into a large vat of chemical dye? The poor guy dyed.

2) Gillette has had a poor showing in the past few months. The shareholders have booted out the CEO. I bet the newspaper headlines on the following day would read “CEO Gillettined”.

3) This old-fashioned man took this young babe out for a date. Unfortunately for him,the babe showed no interest in him as she found him too dated.

4) This girl is pretty pissed off with her boyfriend from Holland.Guess why?
Answer : 'cos he always insists on going Dutch.

Reinterpreting words - 7

2007-06-21T00:03:00.001-07:00

Automate - To have sex in a mechanical,passionless,bored & habitual manner.

Pugilist - A pug dog that is fond of boxing.

Retail - To grow back a lopped off tail.(Think lizard)

Mafia - A gang run by mum.

Homicide - Destruction of a home.

Lollipop - A confection consisting of a piece of hard candy attached to the end of a small stick & which makes a funny popping sound to make you laugh loudly.

Cater - To serve food to a cat.

Crumpled - A totally misshapen butt.

Wart - An ugly painting.

Stringent - A strict man.

Some new words - 7

2007-06-21T00:02:00.001-07:00

Zappelin - An airship equipped with missiles.

Manesa club - A club of hirsute people.

Dopemobile - A vehicle meant for carrying drugs in a secretive manner.

Dozage - The quantity of sleeping pills to be taken.

Stripend - The salary paid to a striptease dancer.

Cheatah - A sleek animal that is famed for its ability to pull off fast ones.

Philantrophy - The prize given to the most charitable person.

Farmacy - A store that sells fertilizers & pesticides.

Pollygamy - Having many parrots.

Pun Intended - 4

2007-06-21T00:01:00.001-07:00

1)Heard about this artist who was charged with murder? He says he has been framed.

2)This ornithologist drove his g.f up the wall by constantly crowing about his achievements. Finally ,one day, his g.f made him eat crow by dumping him.

3)This rich poet's wife dumped him. Some months down the line, he lost all his wealth. A case of going bad to verse ,eh?

4)I wish I was cardiologist. Know why? 'cos then I'd have known the way to a woman's heart.

5)A babe in hot pants makes us boys pant.

6)How do you cut a too clever guy down to size?
Answer : You take a jibe at him to make him smart.

7)Son : Dad, I want a dog.
Dad : Are you Sirius?

8)This videogame addicted teenager demanded a XBOX 360 from his parents. They refused. The gamer cried his heart out. His parents had a tough time trying to “console” him.

9)This not-too-bright guy wanted to learn the teachings of the Chinese philosopher ,Confucius. He ended up becoming a “Confusian”.

10) I'm planning to buy a good quality broom. Y'see ,I want to sweep a beautiful girl off her feet.

Reinterpreting words - 6

2007-06-20T23:59:00.002-07:00

Petite - A tiny pet. (think Chihuahua)

Baboons - A monkey's blessings.

Abnormal - Not having a paunch or love handles.

Euthanasia - Preferring Europe over Asia.

Some new words - 6

2007-06-20T23:59:00.001-07:00

Enthuthanasia - Eager indulgence in mercy killing OR To softly dismantle someone's zeal.

Pandamonium - Wild ,noisy disorder made by hell-raising pandas.

Afraudisiac - Fake sexual stimulants.

Afraudite - A beautiful goddess of deception.

Computter - A software to help golfers analyse , dissect & improve their putting skills.

Ainteger - Not an integer i.e a fraction.

Missterious - A secretive young woman.

Acronyms

2007-06-20T23:57:00.000-07:00

ASAP - As Slowly As Possible.

IMHO - In My Haughty Opinion.

AIDS - Abnormal Intelligence-Defeciency Syndrome.

CSW - Commercial Software Worker.

AWOL - Anguished WithOut Love.

LOL - Looking On Lamely.

QED - Quite Easily Destroyed.

ESP - Extra Sexual Perception.

USP - Unique Shitting Position.

LSD - Likeable Stimulating Drug.

S&M - Stupidity & Madness.

Pun Intended - 3

2007-06-20T23:56:00.001-07:00

1) Never bang your head against a window. It's pretty paneful.

2)What did the babe do when she caught her photographer boyfriend cheating on her?

Answer : She called off the relationship in a flash.

3)This hot-tempered tennis player was the enfant-terrible on the tour. When the umpire's decisions went against him,he'd create a racket.

4)This heavy squash player could never manage to get a steady g.f. Know why?
Answer : 'cos he'd end up squashing the girl on the bed.

5)This rowing champion & his g.f called time on the relationship after having a blazing row.

Some new words - 5

2007-06-20T23:54:00.000-07:00

Slothario - A lazy womanizer.

Loathario - A reluctant womanizer.

Criche - A nursery for children of rich people.

Farternity - A group of people who love to break wind.

Fartricide - To eliminate the problem of breaking wind OR To kill others by breaking wind.

Namesis - An embarassing name that gives you grief.

Mallice - An intense hatred of shopping malls.

Drowsee - To see things while being half-asleep OR The person being bored to death.

Killee,Murderee - The person who's been bumped off.

Reinterpreting words - 5

2007-06-20T23:53:00.000-07:00

Asinine - 9 Donkeys.

Olfactory - The factory inside your nose that produces snot like there's no tomorrow.

Cowardice - To chop a timid person into pieces.

Nemesis - A sister who has cut you down to size.

Octopus - Oozing pus from 8 places.

Majesty - The king of jokers.

Sacred - A red bag.

Maim - To spoil a shooter's aim.

Claustrophobia - To be fearful of Santa.

Limericks

2007-06-20T23:51:00.000-07:00

Well, I haven't followed the rules of a limerick in some cases,but what the hell?

My name is Jay,
I ain't gay,
I am just a dude,
Who's nude & crude,
Now don't be a prude!
--------------------------------
If you are a prick,
Do write a limerick,
If you are a twat,
I'll give you a swat,
And you'll lay flat!
----------------------------
There was a runt,
Who was very blunt,
He would often grunt,
People bore his anger's brunt,
He wrecked his car in a shunt.
-----------------------------------
There was a duke,
Who had a nuke,
He wanted to conquer,
He drank lots of beer,
His ambitions ended with a puke
--------------------------------------------
A guy very naughty,
Wanting to get dirty,
Ran towards a babe to grope,
In his hurry tripped o'er a rope,
Ended up being knotty.
---------------------------------------------
If you're a foul mouthed swine,
Just wash your mouth with lotsa wine,
Remove each n every wart
,Get rid of that fart,
And you will be fine

Reinterpreting words - 4

2007-06-20T23:50:00.000-07:00

Pungent - A guy who likes to use puns. (Why are you looking at me like that?)

Zebra - A striped bra.

Fury - The anger felt by animal lovers like me when we see someone wearing fur dresses.

Racist - A racing enthusiast.

Antagonised - To be pissed off by a red ant's nasty bite.

Milkshake - What happens when a babe wearing very loose clothes goes for a jog.

Newcomer - Someone who has experienced an orgasm for the first time.

Smothered - To be strangulated by mum.

Bashful - To be a obsessive party thrower OR To frequently beat up others.

Detergent - To repel unwanted attention from lecherous twats. (I hope no babe ever detergents me)

Labyrinth - A laboratory for creating all sorts of maddening puzzles & mazes.

Some new words - 4

2007-06-20T23:49:00.000-07:00

Soothesayer - A person who's an expert in consoling with sweet words.

Fizzycs - The branch of science that deals with carbonated drinks.

Bamboozeled - To be totally confused after having downed too many drinks.

Pursepective - The view of things dictated by the amount of money you have.

Reindear - To control a loved one from flying off the handle.

Andruid - A humanoid sorcerer to help the new age Asterix.

Mooslim - A trim cow.

Anihillate - To blow a hill to smithereens.

Asspiration - The desire to have a perfect ,toned butt free of cellulite.

Golpher - A gopher found on the golf course.

Estrangulate - To asphyxiate an ex.

Etiquitte - The protocol followed for making a dignified exit.

Buttox - Something that is injected to make bums look good.